10 things you've missed from the U.K.

Just in case any of our overseas friends are missing the UK, I have compiled a list of ten things that they will have missed out on this year, by being away. The idea of this blog was to help ease any feelings of homesickness they might have, by:

a) letting them know what they've missed, and

b) helping them to realise that they really haven't missed much at all.

In fact, at first it was a real struggle to think of ten things worth mentioning, but I got there in the end. Obviously this list is by no means definitive, for example I could have mentioned the end of "Top of the Pops", or even our English players' dismal failures at Wimbledon this year, but then I think you would have taken that one for granted.

So, in no particular order...

1. Brunel's 200th birthday

I actually missed this as well as I was in Germany, but there was a big Bristol City Council style party on the fields near Cumberland Basin, when they unveiled the new Clifton Suspension Bridge lights with a fireworks display. I'm quite gutted I missed it, as it looks pretty spectacular. The lights are still on for the time being, and look lovely from the turning of Aubrey Road onto Chessel Street on my way to the offy.



2. Prescott's affair and the fall of the Labour Party

Yes, as shocking as it may seem, John 'two Jags' Prescott had an affair with his secretary. In fact, he might have had two, allegedly, and commenters have now labelled the current Labour party as "more sleazy" than John Major's Conservative era in the early 90's. On top of that, the media are making a mockery of Tony Blair's leadership, and his mistake of announcing that he will stand down before the next election, by constantly asking him when it's going to happen.

Blair himself is also getting a lot of stick at the moment for refusing to say the magic words "immediate ceasefire" to Israel. Apparently he wants to wait until there are grounds for a lasting peace in the Middle East before making that request. Meanwhile, Syria have now said they are ready for war. It seems that we may be waiting for some time.

Anyway, enough of the politics. Don't know what came over me. Moving on to more serious matters...

3. Big Brother

Big brother seven is well underway, and I must confess that after holding off for a good few weeks, I am now hopelessly addicted, yet again. I'm really not sure why, as out of all of these losers Glyn and Pete are the only ones that make me laugh, and it's not like either of them are comedians.

Glyn is funny because he's a young naive lad from the valleys, who sounds like a Welsh Forest Gump. He had a great moment last week while drunk and slumped over the diary room chair, when he held his finger up behind him towards the camera, and said "Oo pull my finger". He then farted, and laughed. Great TV.

Brighton boy Pete is funny because of his tourettes syndrome. You can guarantee that he'll shout "Wank!" at the top of his voice, just after Davina has finished saying "You are live on channel 4 - please do not swear." He really needs to be seen to understand just how funny he is, so check out some legendary Pete from earlier in the series, when he discusses some of the other (now evicted) housemates, including Leah who claims to have the biggest breasts in England.

4. Everyone moaning about the cold in March/April

Well, it was fucking freezing.

5. Everyone moaning about the heat in June/July

Yet again the nation is crumbling under a prolonged spell of hot weather. The railway lines are starting to warp out of shape, and fights have broken out in department stores for the last fans as they sell out nationwide, again. Also, the gritters have been out in July, not because there was ice, but because the tarmac was starting to melt.

Why is it that other countries can manage in hot or cold climates, but we can't cope with either, even though we get both extremes?

6. England flags

This year's show of patriotism during the World Cup was bigger than ever before. I even saw a house in Bishopsworth painted with a huge St. George's Cross. In July, car flags were the new litter, lining the hard shoulders of motorways up and down the nation.

7. The Honda advert

Honda cashed in on the World Cup fever with a tongue in cheek version of their "Power of Dreams" advert, where some dude sings a song while travelling on increasingly powerful modes of transport. The original advert was great on it's own, especially the climactic scene which features the stunning Iguacu falls (written about by both J and H). This version is the same, except that the aforementioned St. George's Cross World Cup flags are everywhere.

8. Probably the best World Cup advert

While I'm on the subject of adverts, I have to mention the Carlsberg advert. It got my vote for being the best of all the World Cup adverts (and of course, there were many)

9. BBC Sport Relief

You don't need me to tell you that this was terrible stuff. Hosted by a pregnant Davina and a drunk Chris Moyles, it featured sportsmen trying to be funny and comedians trying to play sports. The highlight was Ray Stubbs getting pummelled with thousands of bouncy balls in a re-enactment of the Sony Bravia advert. Apparently, for that advert they really did drop 170,000 bouncy balls down the hills of San Francisco. Shame it looks like they're super-imposed.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find any footage of Ray Stubbs' pummelling, but I did come across this brilliant English parody. Could that be Beverley parked at the bottom of the hill?

10. Eurovision Song Contest

Finally, this years Eurovision was undoubtedly the best ever. It was pretty much the same as it is every year: an overproduced, badly presented pile of tosh being mocked by an increasingly tipsy Terry Wogan. The U.K.'s pathetic effort did nothing to upset that balance, and just as I was beginning to wonder why on Earth I was watching it, up stepped the Finnish entry...

Lordi were revolutionary. Their song, Rock & Roll Hallelujah, is a piece of Genius.

With lyrics like:

"The walls come down like thunder,
The rocks about to roll,
It's The Arockalypse,
Now bare your soul."

Or my favourite, from the pre-chorus:

"All we need is lightning,
With power and might,
Striking down the prophets of false."

Chew, Ali and myself loved it. Amazingly, the rest of Europe agreed, and Finland romped it.

The three of us cranked up the stereo surround and sang along at the tops of our voices for the repeat of their triumphant performance...

Hard, Rock, Hallelujah!