Sam's cake

For those of you that might not know Sam very well, he is a lovely chap but I'm sure he won't mind me saying that going to a lot of effort is not something he's renowned for. On the night of Jonny & H's leaving party, Sam upheld his tradition of arriving stylishly late (when I say stylish, he did bring Moe along from Southampton). He then spent a lot of the evening showing people a picture of his surprise leaving present for H & Jonny...a home-baked cake, shaped like Australia and draped in an aussie flag made of icing. Sam was clearly very pleased with his achievement, and who can blame him...The cake wouldn't have looked out of place in the Marks & Spencer decorated cake department with a £14.99 price tag attached. It looked like it could have won first prize in a national SAGA cake baking competition. The grand unveiling was planned for later that night following the party, and there was a growing sense of anticipation.

As the party drew to a close, I strangely had a 'sensible' moment and thought that I might be able to sneak home just before the end and get some sleep, remembering that I had a football game to play in Bath the following morning. I was still catching my breath from the walk home when the letterbox flipped open and H's stunning voice came crashing through: "Errrre Annnnd. Let us in!" And so in time-honoured fashion everyone piled in and squeezed into our middle room.

Sam seized the opportunity and announced that he was going to go across to Em's house to get some champagne. Not realising that Sam had prepared a surprise, H and Jonny suggested that maybe we should save the champagne for tomorrow night, as we were clearly all exhausted after the party. For a brief moment the plan might have been foiled, however Bruce offered to drive and since Em only lives a five-minute walk away anyway, H&J figured he might as well go.

Unfortunately, the journey seemed to take an eternity, even by Sam's standards. Chris was sound asleep within a few minutes, and it wasn't long before Jonny was beaten as well. That may have had a lot to do with the very comfortable looking position that he had managed to snuggle into.

We waited.

A little while later Rich appeared to have sneakily manoeuvred himself into a sleeping position by sitting at the table and resting his head on his arm. Em phoned Sam and suggested that he should hurry up as we were quickly reaching a 60% sleep ratio. Pretty much as soon as she got off the phone Sam arrived, carrying a three square-foot foil-lined chopping board covered by a huge decorative metallic cake coverer, and wrapped in cling-film. Do you remember the anticipation that I mentioned earlier? It was time for the grand unveiling...

We all woke Jonny up, which was a difficult task at first because for some reason he didn't appear to want to move. H was in mid-sentence when Sam rushed out of the kitchen and plonked the cake down on her lap in all it's glory, accompanied with a very proud "da daaaaah!"

Silence.

H had a look of astonishment, bemusement and sheer disbelief all rolled into one.

Jonny looked confused for a second and then snuggled back down next to Chris.

H finally broke the silence: "Have you baked us a cake? I can't believe you've baked us a cake!"

Jonny sat back up, and still looking pretty baffled said: "Did you honestly bake that? How on Earth does anybody know how to bake a cake?!"

Again, there was silence. Jonny and H both had their eyes transfixed on the cake while they thought of something else to say. H clearly had difficulty...

"I can't believe you've baked us a cake!" she exclaimed.

"Seriously, did you honestly bake that?" asked Jonny.

It was around this time that they both started to realise that Sam really had baked them a cake.

"I have to say, that has got to be the weirdest leaving present anyone has given me" H remarked.

"Why's it only got four stars on it?" asked Jonny, with a total lack of appreciation for Sam's effort "...it isn't even realistic"

Sensing that the presentation and H&J's subsequent reaction might not have gone quite as well as Sam had envisaged, I gathered all the small plates I could find from the kitchen and began to pass them around the room in the hope that the act of eating the cake might raise some enthusiasm. I was wrong...

"I'm not touching any of that. It'll give me gingivitis" remarked a slightly over-concerned Jonny, who still seemed to be finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that somebody on Earth actually knows how to bake a cake.

By now, H appeared to have got over the initial shock of the presentation and finally managed to show some appreciation to Sam for his effort. She cut the cake and began to pass some pieces around the room. Jonny observed the process from afar.

"How the hell do you get a layer of cream through the middle of it?" he asked "...surely it would melt in the oven?"


Jonny realised at this point that it was probably a good idea to stop talking for a while. Everybody else enjoyed their piece of cake (thanks Sam, very nice mate!) and finished their drinks before making their way home. I sat quietly for a moment as I finished my champagne contemplating the drive to Bath that I faced in four hours time...My football team lost 4-0.