A Bedminster Perspective

Three for the fans down Ashton Gate...

2008-05-31T17:31:00.006Z

...We'll follow til we're dead, me boy, follow til we're dead.

I simply had to take a quick break from blogger retirement to mention an amazing season for Bristol City, even though it just wasn't to be in the end.

The victory over Palace in the play-off semi-final prompted an Ashton Gate pitch invasion for the second consecutive season.

The atmosphere that night was probably the best I have ever witnessed, with chants doing two or three full circuits around the ground before being replaced by another. It seemed to make the difference when the players were tired in the extra time, and when the second goal went in to kill off the opposition I experienced yet another bear-hug from the guy with tourettes who sits behind me, as he screamed a string of obscenities into my ear.

So this was my first glimpse of the new Wembley, as I walked out of the tube station. Five seconds later an announcement read 'please do not stand at the top of the steps taking photographs'. I was relieved to see a row of people behind me caught red-handed.

The walk up 'wembley way' (which according to google earth is now called 'olympic way' - nonsense!) brought back memories of the first time I had made that walk as a seven-year-old, and the nervous excitement I had felt then was much the same as now.

Despite being about 10 rows from the highest seat in the stadium, the view was amazing. Compared to the old Wembley, with it's gradual slopes and giant greyhound track, you felt a lot closer to the action. Maybe it was a good idea after all.

In other news, my football team 'Hope FC' has folded but the tune i wrote using the name 'Hope' in it's memory has been played on BBC 1Xtra.

Oh and and I turn 30 tomorrow.

Christmas '07

2008-01-23T00:46:00.003Z

...was a very long time ago. But still, better late than never here are some pics.

As you can see we made quite an effort this year. Carrying that much booze back from Asda was a mission and a half.

Christmas '07 was marked by the return of Singapore Mike and Sydney H - and what better way to celebrate their arrival than making a trip to the seaside? I didn't want them to be homesick, after all.

It was a beautiful day in December...

It was such a lovely day that we all wanted to take a dip in the sea to cool off, but decided against it after seeing this sign...

It was also a great pleasure and surprise to see Olli and Vanessa at the Christmas Breakout. I'd met Olli before a couple of times, but Vanessa was a familiar face from Jonny's blog, so somehow I felt like we already knew each other...

Don't be confused by the perspective in that photo. You might notice that Ben's head is only about four times bigger than Vanessa's. I should explain that he's sitting a yard behind her.

Finally, the Camelot theme NYE party was a jolly good jaunt...

Richard turns 30

2007-12-18T18:49:00.000Z

Yes another member of the original Bristol Massive has turned the tender age of 30. But it's nothing to be mocked. 30, after all, is still really quite young.

It's just a shame that he looks like he's pushing 50.

But no. Seriously, I'm not one to mock. Although that may have something to do with the fact that for the first time, I was celebrating a 30th birthday of a friend from the same academic year as me. Obviously this has led to a drastic reappraisal of the mockery deserved to a person who reaches this landmark.

Anyway we had a lovely meal at the Olive Shed, and then made our way over to the Arnolfini. Make of the photos what you will...

Particularly these next two...

Oops, I wasn't supposed to publish that last one, my finger must have slipped (and plus which the one before it is blurry, and I still can't see what's wrong with it).

Finally, I have no idea what this is all about?

Happy Birthday Richard!

Sam & Moe's departure

2007-11-27T22:16:00.000Z

I have to admit that I am beginning to regret buying that huge camera, especially as my tatty (yet pocket sized) Nikon died within a month of the purchase. I have just reviewed my photos of Sam & Moe's leaving drinks (part one in Bristol, and part two in Southampton), and they are hopelessly inadequate. In fact, the only evidence I could find of Sam's last night in Bristol was nine photos taken at the same time using my mobile's 'best pic' function, which did at least provide quite a nice effect when stuck together...

Needless to say it was a fun night, and it's surprising how well the drunkenness comes across that 'video'.

I'm afraid I didn't do much better in Southampton for part two - with not a single photo of the night's events to speak of. For this I apologise, but trust that it was also a great night out. The pained hungover expressions on Ben & Jess' faces the following morning speak for themselves...

Amusingly for us, Sam manage to injure himself on a clothes horse while getting out of bed in the morning. This will have given him the perfect excuse to moan about something throughout his three weeks in SE Asia on route to Sydney. All I can say is: Moe, our thoughts were with you. If you look very closely you might notice a slightly purple looking little toe...

Obviously we put a lot of thought into their leaving gifts, and felt it was important to come up with something original and not just an exact replica of the gifts given to Jonny & H. After a lot of consideration we completely failed to think of an original idea, so I wrote another musical medley and Em baked the novelty cake.

Unfortunately Em forgot to consider that once the blue section of the cake had been removed and eaten, Sam & Moe were left with two novelty cakes, that would probably not be found on the shelves of Sainsbury's, lets say.

How we chuckled.

Bye Bye Sam & Moe - we'll miss you indeed.

What happened to spare time?

2007-10-29T23:22:00.000Z

Last night I wrote a list of things to do.

It totalled seventeen.

Updating this blog is high on the list, but details (and pics) of Sam & Moe's departure from Blighty will have to wait I'm afraid.

For now I only have time to ask one question, and it's one that I never thought I'd be asking...

Could Bristol City really get promoted to the Premiership this season?

New DJ Name Required - Please Vote!

2007-10-02T15:58:00.000Z

I seem to have written a rather lengthy story to explain my predicament, so if you're in a bit of a rush, or your dinner break at work officially ended five minutes ago simply scroll down to the bottom and cast your vote. You won't have missed much.

*clears throat*

I have been using the name 'Morph' since I first started buying records back in 1999. Within a year of deciding upon the name, another Morph had appeared on the drumnbass shelves of my local record shop, but rather than simply changing my name there and then I decided to stick with it.

Years of DJing to the mirror in my bedroom under the name Morph then followed, until Breakout was first formed in 2003 and the name was attached to the posters and flyers. I decided that since I had thought of it first, I could justify DJing in Bristol under that alias.

It was also around this time that I first started to learn the basics of writing music, and decided that if I ever wrote anything strong enough to be released, I would have to use a different name.

Four years later, and I have heard nothing more of the aforementioned Morph, indeed the discog on the link suggests he hasn't released a track since 2003. Also, Doug Kubiks, the established producer who's studio tuition led to my first release this summer had never heard of him. On top of this, when I spoke to the label owner who confirmed the release, he said he had never heard of him either.

So, I decided to go with the name Morph for the release, a decision which I am now regretting.

Last month, I sent a new tune of mine called 'Solitude' around some labels, and an established producer called physics got back to me and asked if I was the same Morph. When I said no, he had a bit of a go at me, and said I should get in touch with him. He pointed out that he would be really annoyed if someone came along using the same alias, and it would be better to sort it out now with just the one collaboration forthcoming, rather than waiting until further down the line to get an angry email.

I could see his point, and he made me feel quite guilty. I began to ask other drumnbass 'headz' if they had heard of that Morph. Pretty much all of them said yes.

I decided to bite the bullet and get in touch. Within a few days I got the following response:

"Hi Andy, wow! really good of you to get in contact, that seems to be a rare professional quality missing from our crazy scene."

*sheepishly hangs head*

He went on to say:

"Its a weird old name as if you contact one of these companies that collect royalties they will advise you not to use it as there are many of us, all sorts of genres too."

"I liked the name because it suited the fact that jungle drum and bass morphs the lines between music. I think the name is cursed too!!! LOL"

"Did you know there is also a MORPHY who weirdly had a release on Urban Takeover a few years back at the same time as me.!!! then there's the small Plasticine character with no bollox too."

He did also say that he is still producing under the alias Morph, but doesn't like any publicity so keeps it low profile.

I am disappointed, but have now come to terms with the fact that I am going to have to change my name with one collaboration release due at the start of November. I wish I had sorted it out sooner.

Incidentally the Eat Phunk LP, which will feature the release is now being promoted on the DOA Forum and has been getting a good response. Also, Doug Kubiks was saying that he's been getting loads of good feedback for the track, in fact it's also currently the first track featured on the Phunkfiction Myspace.

Doug also said that everyone has been asking him who Morph is. In fact, many have been asking if it's that same Morph, the one that he had never heard of before. Doh!

So anyway this is where I need your help. I am just putting the finishing touches to my latest track, and very soon I will begin sending it around some labels under my new Alias. Many people have already come up with suggestions, and I have finally come up with a bit of a shortlist, although I would of course still welcome any new proposals.

Firstly, these some of the suggestions that were almost instantly ruled out...

Xoanon
Pnotsk
Anders Van Simp
Giant Power Lizard Disaster Orgy (Four there from Dave, who recommended saying this one out loud before ruling it out)
DJ Butterfly
DJ Quim
DJ Toothless
DJ Hydro
DJ Blim
DJ JD
DJ Ones and Twos
DJ Smirnoff
DJ Coopers (9 there from Jonny, although DJ JD did get a few seconds thought)
Niagra (from Mike, who also said he wouldn't stand in my way if I wanted to use his alias 'Porch')
J.Sim (Em's suggestion from the pub - sounds too much like Jason or Jism)

I have also ruled out quite a few of my own ideas...

Din
Tintamar
Sonance (three there from the thesaurus - I did like Sonance but it's already been used)
Cymbal
Cymbalist (Well, I did used to play the drums)
Sim (unfortunately it's already been used by three different artists)

Which brings me to the final three...

Merlow - this is purely inspired by the fact that I drink red wine every night. Some people really hate it, but others seem to like it. I don't like the way it sounds a bit like Merlin, but I like the fact it's completely original and also keeps it simple.

Simph - Chris' suggestion from the pub where we were thinking of variations of my name. I like it because it includes the first four letters of my surname, and the last two letters of Morph. It also sounds like 'symphony'. I don't think it rolls off the tongue very nicely though, and I fear I would constantly have to spell it out to people.

Phorm - A genius suggestion from one of my uni mates this-morning. You might have noticed it's an anagram of 'morph'. It also sounds like 'form'. The drawback is that according to discogs.com, (which has become my temporary bible) there already is a Phorm, although he writes ambient music and only has a few releases so I reckon I could get away with it.

Please do vote and offer any thoughts. As you can probably tell I have been struggling with this.

The Night Glow

2007-09-08T18:53:00.000Z

Seeing as Jonny has just apologised for a meagre two-week gap between blogs, I had better get on my knees and grovel for leaving it nearly four weeks.

Shame on me.

So, the photos from the Night Glow look much the same as they do every year.

I did manage to get one of those 'before and after' shots...

Although it was nowhere near as effective as that one I fluked four years ago...

Now as Jonny will vouch for, the Fiesta follows the same formula every year.

1. They blow up the balloons.
2. Carmina Burana (or something like that) starts playing from the tiny speakers, and as the orchestra reach the huge crescendo all the balloons glow in unison.
3. 30 minutes of terrible chart music and random flickering ensues.
4. Balloons deflate
5. Fireworks
6. Everyone leaves
7. An announcement comes over the PA system reminding all crews to return their headsets to the bay area
8. The night is complete - we stumble home

A winning formula, I'm sure you'll agree.

This year, Mike and Ella came along for their first ever night glow, and I had clearly explained the course of events that would follow. Sure enough, we got a spot on 'the hill', and watched the balloons slowly inflating. I dramatically sang the three rising chords of the Carmina Burana to the group so that everyone knew what to expect, when this happened...

Yes after four almost identical years, they finally changed the backing tape.

Another first was that everyone on the hill stood up, and at times even danced along to the painfully quiet music...

The fireworks were still the real highlight though...

This year's stumble home was also good value, as we kicked an empty bottle all the way home.

In fact, shortly before filming that I had attempted a 'long ball' with inappropriate shoes for kicking, and had a very embarrassing encounter with an extremely nervous chap, who was wondering why five very drunk people were peering over his garden fence.

"Urm, Could I have my shoe back please mate?"

The Big Chill 2007

2007-08-26T13:17:00.001Z

As previously mentioned, I managed to blag a free ticket to this year's Big Chill festival in exchange for two paid shifts selling car park tickets.

So, this potato field was my view of the Thursday...

Actually it was more like this, but with pretty much constant traffic...

I finished up at Midnight on Thursday night, and made a 45 minute trek from the north gate to the family camping field on the opposite side of the festival to meet back with Bevan, Rosie & Josh. As I came over the brow of the hill, my first view of the festival site at night took me aback. I didn't even bother trying to capture it with my mobile phone, but these are the best snaps I found online...

They don't really do it justice

I discovered that all I had missed on the Thursday was some DJ officially opening the festival from this mirror boat...

My second and last shift on the Friday was a bit of a killer. Ten hours standing up in the blazing sun was hard work, and this Aston Martin DB4 was the only semi highlight. I recognised the driver from somewhere on the telly, but I couldn't place it. Apparently it's one of only 29 convertible DB4s that were ever made.

It cost him £60 petrol to get to the Malvern's from London... Sucker.

By the time they came to relieve me of my duties I was dead on my feet. The 4000-word assignment that I completed in the two days before the festival had not been the best preparation.

Thankfully however, I was now a free man, and after the briefest of rests I made my way to see the Cinematic Orchestra on the main stage...

They turned out to be the perfect wind-down...

Bizarrely I got a private Youtube message from Heidi, the singer with the Cinematic Orchestra, to ask if I had any more videos of their gig, as mine was the only one on Youtube.

I explained that soon after taking that video, I made my way to the front and enjoyed the gig so much that I didn't think to film any more.

Then I promptly added that I produce music and cheekily suggested that if she was going to be in Bristol in the near future, she should come to my 'studio' and put some vocals down. To my surprise I had a reply to say that she was always interested in new collaborations, and to send her an email.

I doubt it will ever happen, but I am already formulating a plan with Bevan to use Grant's studio. Now all I have to do is write a really decent track. Darn.

Soon after their set it was time to go and check out the drumnbass in the non-smoking 'club tent'. It quickly became apparent that the big chill crowd did not want to chill out once the sun had gone down...

The highlight of the set was when High Contrast dropped his old classic 'Spaced Invader'. The place went off...

Saturday morning was spent at the camp. Grant had managed to get his VW into the family camping field. If you've been responsible for a seminal album or two, it's amazing what you can get away with.

That afternoon I got my first view of the festival in daylight...

Pretty soon it was time for Grant's set, so we made our way to the front...

Does anyone recognise those knobbly knees on the left?

I should say that the banner had nothing to do with me, although I do happen to agree with the sentiment.

Josh still hasn't quite grasped that his voice doesn't carry over a huge rack of speakers, and spent the first half of the set (bar my moment of fame) shouting 'Graaaaaant' up at the stage.

Amazingly it seemed to work...

After getting a cheer from the crowd, a slightly over-awed Josh came back to his Mum and Bevan returned to the stage to take some snaps...

By now the festival tradition of drinking through a hangover was well underway, and I remember very little of Saturday evening...

Sunday was spent chilling out under a tree, and exploring the more random parts of the festival, like these images on grass...

...and the 'Body and Soul' area...

We also stumbled across a glitter-wrestling contest...

Bike powered tree lanterns...

...and bike-powered cinema...

All in all a cracking weekend, and the car park stints were long forgotten by the Sunday night. It was one massive chill...

Bristol Boat Regatta

2007-08-10T15:38:00.000Z

At the end of officially the "wettest early summer in the UK since records began" (and yes, I can actually quote that from BBC Points West), Bristol City Council decided to dump 800 tonnes of sand on the old dockland car park opposite the Seven Shed and Thekla, to create an 'urban beach'. Bevan had taken 3-year-old Josh there, and noticed there was a DJ in a bamboo booth, so he set about securing us a gig.

They agreed upon 2-4pm, on the Saturday of the Bristol Boat Regatta, for a trial run.

The day before the gig, I was struck down with a serious case of 'man cold' and wasn't sure whether I would be able to attend, but I had already suggested that my Sister should come along with the Nephew's so I decided I would battle on.

I was excited about Joe and Sam finally meeting Bevan & Rosie's little boy, Josh, but as it turned out they didn't exactly hit it off.

Since I was full of cold and surrounded by kids I decided to leave the DJing to Bevan and Jody, and spent my time building sandcastles.

By pure coincidence, Rich and Bruce were back in Town for the weekend.

OK so that's not Rich, but he managed to avoid my camera. All that training must be helping.

Jelfs, Nade, Chris & Em all came out to join us, and we popped over to the Thekla for a free afternoon performance from Bristol's favourite ukulele band, the 'Rinky Dinks'

Hope FC faithfuls Joe & Neil are both members (phnar phnar), and I have to say it was one of the most entertaining gigs I have been to in days.

Here they are performing 'Ring of Fire'

...and the Grande finale was a medley of Queen's 'Fat Bottomed Girls', into the Stones' 'Sympathy for the Devil', into the Beatles' 'Hey Jude', all performed on three ukulele's, a bass guitar, and a portable drum kit. I should get commission for this.

Pretty soon, someone mentioned the 'C' word...

That's 'Curry'.

That was Em's attempt to get Chris to smile for a photo. Here's how he did...

Finally, any Boat Regatta wouldn't be complete without fireworks....

Chilling in three days time...

2007-07-31T00:06:00.000Z

Ever since Breakout's birthday flop back in June, which completely wiped out my somewhat limited savings, I had ruled out any chance of a holiday or festival this year. You can imagine my bitter envy when constantly skint Breakout co-promoter Bevan managed to blag himself a free ticket to this forthcoming weekend's Big Chill festival, when Massive Attack's Daddy G asked his girlfriend Rosie if she would be able to go and look after his kids for the weekend.

Yesterday I decided to email the Big Chill organisers as I'd been advised they still had some jobs going. To cut a long story short, I am now the king blagger! In exchange for two eight-hour shifts selling car-parking tickets, which will be done and dusted by 6pm on the Friday (well in time for the Cinematic Orchestra, Kruder & Dorfmeister, DJ Marky etc), I have managed to secure myself a weekend pass valued at £135.

But wait - there's more...

I even get paid for the work! £80 cash in hand to see me through the rest of the festival.

Winner!

Of course, with any great piece of news like that there has to be a downside. Mine poses quite a significant problem. Basically the final piece of work for my qualification is due in on Tuesday - the day after my return.

The sensible thing to do would be to contact the organisers and explain that I won't be able to go after all. However, I have decided to go for the far less sensible option of writing a four thousand word assignment, from scratch, in the next two days before I leave.

This does mean that I won't have time to blog about the Bristol Boat Regatta for another week or so - but it should be a good one. Meanwhile, I am trying to finish writing this before I go to bed so that I can concentrate on my assignment, and then chill (big-style) for the weekend, safe in the knowledge that I have not let this blog slip to a three-weekly update.

It's now 2am and I fear I am starting to ramble, so I shall finish by posting a link to my latest tune - a remix of Bob Marley & the Wailer's 'Nice Time'. I've got my fingers crossed for this one - in fact I sent it to Aries a few days ago and he was impressed but said he couldn't afford to clear Bob Marley samples on his label - however he said he would send it round a few bootleg labels for me, and separately from that last week's Breakout smash 'the Upfull Rockers' are already in the process of remixing it...

Morph vs. Marley - Nice Time [07-2007].mp3

Night.

Ashton Court Festival 2007

2007-07-16T10:43:00.000Z

There was one small technicality around this year's event that almost seemed insignificant, but that I couldn't help thinking was rather pertinent.

The festival has been renamed.

Yes, it is now *officially* called 'Ashton Court Festival'. In previous years, despite the fact that everyone knew it as Ashton Court Festival, it was in fact officially named the 'Bristol Community Festival', however this year's late battle to obtain a license for the event (with significant restrictions) has finally ended the Bristol Community Festival that we all knew and loved, dare I say it, for good.

I suppose the new restrictions (sound limits, no alcohol allowed in, limited to 30,000 people, finish by 10pm) basically enforced the organisers to move the festival site down the hill to a smaller site (where the car parks used to be), so it all felt a lot more compact. It also resulted in a £15 admission fee, so hardly the 'Biggest free festival in Europe' accolade that was claimed when I first started going back in 1993.

The turn-out was pretty average compared to some previous years, with lots of people boycotting it due to the inflated entrance fee, so the 30000 capacity was never an issue.

Some Ashton Court traditions will never die though, like bumping into random old college friends that you haven's seen for years...

The ground was considerably more brown than green...

That was my one brief visit to the main stage, but it was much the same across the festival site and lots of people had brown marks on their buttocks.

Despite 'not being the same', that chilled out Bristol festival vibe was still strong, and as the day went on it was easy to forget that things were any different, apart from the view of course.

My horn-blowing friend Jon was on the amphitheatre stage with drumnbass band 'Dr Meaker' in the late afternoon. I had heard that the Glastonbury dance tent crowd were left screaming for more last month, so I was keen to finally see them play. Unfortunately the first half of their set was spent queuing for beer, but the second half didn't disappoint...

This cheeky extra last tune was the highlight of my day. I could see Clive Meaker saying 'We have to do it mate, we just have to do it!' to the bloke behind scenes.

Of course in keeping with our 'summer' so far, the clouds soon came, however remarkably it remained dry...

In fact, the clouds made for a cracking sunset, so another Ashton Court tradition was upheld...

The Quantic DJ set on the 'big top' stage could barely be heard from about thirty yards back. In fact, we didn't even realise he'd started until about half an hour into his set. We managed to get in a little closer in time for the Mad Professor...

It was all about nodding that head...

The rain finally came on Saturday night, and on Sunday morning word quickly spread that the festival site was a washout and had to be cancelled. At least that made my decision for me about whether to pay another £15 just to see Horace Andy - if only they'd billed him on the Saturday.

Confirmation

2007-07-07T16:11:00.000Z

Yes it's really happening. My first release (Kubiks & Morph - Inflicted) is due out later this year! I spotted this earlier today on the Phunkfiction myspace...

Unfortunately I'm not allowed to post the track on here for obvious reasons, however I was allowed to put a two minute snippet on my myspace. Kubiks has basically re-written the entire beat and bass line for the release, but he kept in nearly all of my original sounds and I'm really pleased with the final collaboration. To use the label owner's words, "It's deep man."

Kubiks has apparently told the label owner that I would be a good asset for the future of the label. He explained that he had said this because I have good ideas.

"Good ideas make good tunes, the mix will come with time", he added.

Clearly I am really chuffed with the accolade, although I must admit that deep down I'm a little frustrated that I still have so much to learn about the overall art of production before I'll be able to make tunes strong enough for a solo release. The learning curve seems to have suddenly become very steep again, and I wish I had more time to devote to climbing it.

Below is a link to my reworked version of the original track, which is what Kubiks had helped me with during the two-hour studio session. Ironically I've had a couple of people saying that they prefer my version to the colab that's being released. Obviously they know nothing about drumnbass, but it's still nice!

Morph - Inflicted (Reworked) [06-2007].mp3

After a dissapointing 1st Birthday party for Breakout where just about everything that could go wrong, did, we've had some exciting news ahead of this month's event...

Venue magazine are running a feature about Breakout! Not only that, but by co-incidence an old mate of mine from Buoyancy (Luke) has been asked to write it, so I'm hoping it will be pretty favourable. I had to answer a load of questions for an interview, and we submitted the following picture to go with the article...

Obviously I couldn't resist sneaking the news of my first release into the interview!

Up and Down Weekend (and a Happy Monday!)

2007-06-25T18:41:00.000Z

It has been an eventful weekend.

Firstly, I should mention that Ben's proposed Saturday morning move was postponed for a week due to issues with hiring a van. This at least meant that I could enjoy my birthday present from Bevan on the Friday evening without having to worry about getting up early on Saturday.

Before minds start to wonder... No. He didn't get me a romantic meal for two or anything like that. It was in fact possibly the best birthday present I've ever had: Two hours of studio time with recognised drum'n'bass producer, Kubiks.

I've been saying for some time that I needed some tips from an established producer to help me get to the next level, and I learned loads. Not only that, but he was impressed by some of my tracks, and suggested that if I sent them to him to 'tweak' some of the sounds he would be able to get them released.

It was a great piece of feedback, but I didn't really believe anything would come from it.

Saturday morning was spent exactly where it should be: in bed. A traditional Saturday fry-up then followed, and I sat on the sofa for half an hour or so watching everyone getting very wet and muddy at Glastonbury, with great amusement I might add.

I wondered out to the middle room to use my phone, which I had left charging by my computer.

It wasn't there.

Obviously I must have unplugged it and left it somewhere else. I began searching.

After ten minutes of searching I realised I had looked everywhere it could possible be at least three times, so I asked Ali and Chew if they had seen it or perhaps taken it into their rooms. Of course they hadn't, but they both came downstairs to help me look.

Ali tried calling it, and on each occasion it cut off after a couple of rings. Our suspicions became raised, and at that point I realised that my wallet was also no longer at my computer desk, where I had left it.

Refusing to believe that we could have been robbed at half past two in the afternoon when all three of us were in the house, I began another search. I looked in all the same places that I had looked for my phone another two or three times, plus we checked all of the kitchen cupboards, breadbin, and rubbish bin.

By the time I had searched through the freezer I realised that I was really clutching at straws, so I began making the phone calls to the bank, credit card, phone company, and police.

I spent the rest of Saturday and Sunday in shock and disbelief. I kept imagining what would have happened if I had walked out and caught him red handed - re-enacting the resulting chase and scuffle over in my mind, again and again. Occasionally I wondered how I would feel if the missing items suddenly turned up... Relieved or embarrassed?

The only silver lining is that they did not take my camera, which was on the floor under the computer desk, or indeed my keys, which were right next to my wallet.

The police said they would be round shortly. Then they said they'd be round later. Then at half past ten they phoned and asked what time I would be going to bed. I put them off until Sunday. On Sunday afternoon I got another call asking me what time I would be going to bed that night. I lied and said 10:00. At 9:45 I got a call saying that they wouldn't make it round before 10, and they would instead send it to a local branch to investigate so I should get a call from them in the next couple of days.

Great.

So finally, to end a topsy-turvy weekend it has been a very happy Monday. This-morning I booted up my pc and instantly received a very exciting piece of news from Bevan on msn. Kubiks had contacted him and said that he found a release opportunity for the track that we had been reworking during the Friday night session. If I could get all the samples and necessary files over to him as soon as possible he would spend today tweaking it and it would feature on a new compilation CD for Phunkfiction Recordings. He has to send the finished version to them by midnight as they are pressing the CD and cutting the vinyl TOMORROW!

I instantly set about the task, and sent him all of the necessary files through AIM, and I am expecting to hear back from him later to confirm that I am happy with the final version. I am not sure at the moment when the release date will be, or indeed whether it will be released under my name of 'Morph', or as a collaboration, i.e., 'Morph & Kubiks', but either way I am a very happy bunny!

The track is called 'Inflicted' and the early version is on my myspace, but I will no doubt blog the full release version as soon as I have it.

Presuming he doesn't just rob it and I never hear from him again, of course.

Goodbye to the Middle Room

2007-06-21T15:25:00.000Z

This will be the last blog I write looking out at this view - a view which has been gradually eroded over the last 34 months by the erection of those two giant warehouses (in the foreground) that have appeared on Winterstoke Road.

Tomorrow I will be moving my computer and decks into the front room, where they will be joined by my bed and the various piles of clothes that are scattered around my tiny bedroom, in preparation for the arrival of Mr Ben McGuinness.

While I'm really looking forward to having a proper bedroom again, I will be slightly sad to leave the middle room - after all, I have probably spent about 12 out of the 34 months we have lived here sat in this very spot. Of course, there are also many memories attached to it.

From Saturday it will become our living room, and will therefore no longer witness scenes like this...

...which is probably a good thing actually as it means whoever is cooking on a Friday night will no longer have to put up with our DJing and attempts at scratching - at least not quite so loudly.

Ben recently popped over and kept Chew and myself up until the early hours with his incessant rambling. This may have raised some concerns that he will be a bad influence on us once he has moved in.

We did however learn a valuable lesson...

...if you're going to smoke a sheesha...

...for the first time in about a year...

...make sure you clean out the pipe first...

My 29th Birthday

2007-06-10T16:54:00.000Z

Oh dear.

All of a sudden more than three weeks has passed since my last blog.

I'd like to blame this on being very busy, but I'd be lying. The truth is I've had more free time over the last 10 days than I've had for months, however I took full advantage by putting as much of that time as I could into finishing my latest tune.

In fact, you can listen to it by clicking this link, if you so desire.

It also seems that since everyone and their dog has signed up to facebook, the blog doesn't seem quite so 'important' anymore.

Plus which, I'm back on the poker!

Anyway, as if to emphasise the point about facebook taking over, here are the pics from my birthday bash which I've already posted on there. I would provide captions, only I really can't remember very much about the evening and so it's very hard for me to explain what on Earth is going on...

Well, at least it looks like I had a decent night out, I suppose!

Are you going on Rita again?

2007-05-17T14:52:00.001Z

It was by the law of sod that having experienced the warmest April since records began, the weather should take a turn for the worst just in time for Em's birthday jaunt to Britain's favourite theme park.

With hindsight, it was probably a bad idea to get hammered on the previous night. The cable car to meet Em, Chris, Sam, Moe, James & Nicky left Jess, Ben and myself feeling pretty queasy, which didn't bode well.

Not to be defeated we started things off with the old classic, the Corkscrew, which I later noticed rocks from side to side as the car spins around the double loop. I'm sure it didn't used to do that.

Just as the rain began to trickle we made our way to the park's other legend that is, of course, the log flume...

Em, Chris, Sam & Moe were in the log ahead of us, although the logs have actually been replaced with bathtubs. The principle remains the same though...

Don't sit in the front...

Spurred on by the face that Ben and Jess had remained completely dry on the tub-flume, we made our way to the rapids, which typically seemed determined to get Sam and Moe even more wet...

Chris, who had wimped out for fear of getting wet and ruining the upholstery in his precious motor, camped on a bridge and managed to soak Sam again by launching a vigilante attack with a bottle of water.

Jess remained dry...

With a little bit of help...

Ben had also got away Scott free, up until the last corner when a wave came straight for him. He leaped to his feet like a mountain deer at the crack of thunder, but the wave splashed directly into his face...

Of course, we also had to try out the new roller coasters.

Air was pretty good, especially the long downhill straight where the track spins around so all you can see is the sky as you plunge headlong into uncertainty.

I'm not getting paid by Alton Towers to write this. Honest.

Of all the rides, the ridiculously named 'Rita Queen of Speed' took the biscuit. It starts like a bullet, going from 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. As I was watching it I was wondering we everyone kept screaming as it accelerated away. Surely a bit of speed couldn't be that scary...

Needless to say I shouted my head off and thought I was going to die.

Finally, Yes we went on the Nemesis...

...and NO, I didn't lose my teeth this time.

Spot the Ball Result

2007-05-14T14:49:00.000Z

Congratulations to Jonny, who correctly guessed that it was 'D'. A £2.50 postal order will be winging its way to you very soon. You lucky, lucky boy.

Thanks to everyone else for humouring me though, particularly Mike and Rich for guessing G and J respectively.

Well, that's that done for another year then...

A Quick Big Up...

2007-05-13T17:09:00.000Z

...to me.

Alton Towers blog and spot the ball results on their way, but just a quick mention that one of my tunes got voted the number one track on an OTC webcast for 'unsigned talent'...

My first number one!

Bristol City Win Promotion to the Championship! 5th May, 2007

2007-05-09T17:31:00.000Z

On the morning of the game I had received a text message from Jonny asking me to film the pitch invasion. Given that we needed to win the game to assure automatic promotion I spent the rest of the morning convinced that he had jinxed us.

By the time I arrived at the Gate, I was a nervous wreck. I've seen City throw away promotion too many times over the last eight years to believe that beating relegated Rotherham was simply a formality. The atmosphere inside the Gate was electric, yet somehow tense.

I filmed the teams' arrival onto the pitch, and should apologise for the camera-wobble, which was purely a reflection of the amount of adrenaline pumping through my body. Towards the end of the clip, the guy who sits behind me leant over and asked: "Are you keeping this up next season, getting here before kick-off?"

I should explain that the guy that sits behind me suffers from Tourettes syndrome, and tends to mutter "F***ing B**tard" quite a lot under his breath, as a kind of deep grunt. He's also recently taken to patting me on the back really very hard whenever City score.

Anyway, somehow having him mock me for my punctuality helped to calm my nerves slightly, combined with the fact that the stadium was crammed with 19200 Bristol City fans shouting their heads off. Rotherham didn't quite sell their allocation of 300 tickets, and in a bid to get more Red shirts into the stadium we stuck the Rotherham fans in the corner of the East End, behind a pillar, in the darkness...

Which meant City fans were cheering on their team from all four ends of the ground...

Of course, taking the lead after seven minutes also helped calm those nerves. In fact, I went completely mental. After jumping up and down screaming for a good 20 seconds I turned to the people either side of me, as clearly this warranted a "hug a random stranger" moment. Unfortunately they were already busy hugging each other, but before I had a chance to react I was bear-hugged from behind and then lifted up and down off the ground four or five times.

I'm not sure if that really counted as a 'hug', but I figured it would have to do.

Having regained my composure I still managed to film the team returning for the kick-off.

Just before halftime my back took another battering as we took a 2-0 lead, and when we made it 3-0 in the second half it soon became clear it was City's day after all. It's very rare to see the entire crowd singing in unison at Ashton Gate, as I'm sure Jonny will vouch for, but it happened regularly that afternoon...

Action and Chants

I actually missed Rotherham's consolation goal. Completely! I was texting the various people I had promised updates, and didn't even hear the handful of Rotherham fans' cheering. No matter.

Stand up if you're going up!

Finally the ref put the whistle to his mouth to end the game, and then promptly legged it, as the pitch quickly became a sea of red...

Around fifteen minutes after the end of the game, an announcement came over the tannoy that some of the players still hadn't made it back to the dressing room. A couple then appeared on people's shoulders near the halfway line, completely stripped, and gradually made their way through the hoards.

Meanwhile all the usual classics were being belted out...

Hi Ho Bristol City!

Drink Up Ye Cider!

Eventually I made my way onto the pitch in time for the players to appear at the director's box.

Where they did a lot of jumping around, and took it in turns on the mic to make silly noises, and start chants.

Eventually at half past five, I made my way out of the stadium, and was amazed that there were still a group of about twenty Rotherham fans in their seats clapping the city fans out of the ground. Nutters!

Bring on the Championship! (and not before time)

Bedmo Flora & Fauna (and pegs)

2007-05-03T21:50:00.000Z

Apart from the fact that a tree appears to be growing in our back garden (plus the realisation that we really should get some weed killer), the most interesting change in my latest 'time-lapse' shot has to be the appearance of the Pegs court.

Yes, Pegs is back for a new season, and as you might have noticed (if you are really very sad) there is a new scoring pot available for the new season... With no more than a six-inch diameter, the elevated terracotta gotcha provides competitors with a valuable six-point option. We've already seen some epic encounters as competitors from as far afield as Kingswood (i.e., Neil) have taken advantage of England and Wales' warmest April since records began to compete for the chance to become the undisputed pegs champion. A crown, which is currently proudly held by myself.

I thank you.

So, anyway, what do you make of this?

A bit of moss? A swarm of ants?

How about this?

Any thoughts? OK, how about this?

A Classic Cup Final

2007-04-28T14:55:00.000Z

Perhaps an unfortunate turn of phrase for the Bristol Churches shield final, but it was one hell of a game.

Our opponents Rock Crusaders hit the post early on with a miss-hit cross. It was quite a let off as we've conceded far too many goals already this season from miss-hit crosses. Our keeper was left flailing...

After the early scare we were holding our own against the higher division team, and James Taylor soon put us infront after Nick had miscued a shot across the 6-yard box. 1-0.

We held onto the lead for about three minutes when they scored direct from a 40-yard free-kick, after everyone including our keeper had missed the ball on it's way through the penalty area. 1-1.

Shortly before half time, the ref (who apparently looks just like Mike Roberts' Dad) made Pete take his wedding ring off...

At half time the score was 1-1, and chances had been few and far between. Ten minutes into the second half we regained the lead when their keeper parried Neil Watkins' long shot onto his own post. The ball bounced across the goal line and yours truly was in the right place to head it into the net from about eight inches. 2-1.

Here I am getting mobbed by James. As you can see, the crowd was going mental...

This time we held onto the lead for about five minutes, which was a slight improvement on the first. 2-2.

It was pretty demoralising to concede the lead so soon yet again, but we were definitely still in the game.

Sure enough, our top scorer James popped up yet again with a peach of a goal. 3-2.

Having gone ahead for the third time with twenty minutes left, we were determined to hold onto the lead this time.

We battled harder than ever before, and even hit the post and forced some good saves from their keeper to prevent us taking a 4-2 lead. However, in the last minute they equalised with a pile driver that flew into the top corner from 25 yards. It was the only way they were going to score, and we were gutted (not least because it meant playing for another half an hour, and we were exhausted). 3-3.

We all dug deep and amazingly we took the lead yet again five minutes into extra time when Chew headed in a corner (via a wicked deflection from their number 6, but we'll let Chew claim it)...

4-3!

Surely the game was ours now. After taking the lead for the fourth time, we walked slowly back for the restart and all reminded each other to concentrate and keep it tight for the rest of the game.

They equalised within 20 seconds of the kick-off, with a killer of a goal that trickled under our keeper's flop. 4-4.

At half time of extra-time we looked shattered. I for one felt like I had hit what runners refer to as 'the wall', and my legs felt like jelly. If we could keep it tight for 15 minutes we fancied our chances of winning on penalties.

A few minutes into the second half we went behind for the first time in the game with a deflected long shot. 4-5.

Gutted. But we kept battling and very nearly got the equaliser once or twice, until we were hit on the break in the final minute and ended up losing the game 4-6.

So, my first ever final ended in defeat, but at least Chew and myself got onto the scoresheet. Here we are displaying our 'shield finalist' medals with pride...

Finally, after going down so well last time, it's the return of 'Spot the Ball'...

What do you reckon?

BCFA Shield Final

2007-04-25T00:25:00.000Z

By some miracle, or perhaps divine intervention, Hope FC have made it through to the final of the Bristol Churches F.A. Shield Final. This prestigious event will take place at Little Stoke Park, this Saturday morning. We're expecting a moderate crowd.

I should explain at this point that the BCFA Shield is a bit like the EUFA cup, in that it's competed by teams who got knocked out of a bigger competition (in this case the BCFA Cup) in the first round. I'm sure there are some other similarities too, but none come to mind right now.

Preparation for the final has been abysmal. Firstly we drove all the way to Radstock last Tuesday night to lose 6-1 to a bunch of whipper snappers, who clearly weren't old enough to drink. Saturday's game was cancelled as we only had 9 players available, which did at least mean I could get hammered at Breakout on Friday night. Finally, earlier this-evening we made the trek to Bath Uni to lose 3-2 in the rain to one of the two teams who are actually below us in the BCFA second division.

Neil's favoured number 10 shirt had been claimed so he donned Jonny's prized number 2 kit. At the end of the demoralising game he suggested that we all chip in to fly Jonny and Mike over for Saturday's final. Much as we could do with the help of the man with no fear (nutter), who sticks his head where others wouldn't stick their feet (and ended up with a fractured skull); and the workhorse, the engine, the midfield general (the list goes on), we're gonna have to win it for them instead.

The route to the final has been completely blagged. Firstly we lost 3-0 to Pip'n'Jay Church in the 1st round of the BCFA cup, which won us qualification to the shield. Then, in the first round proper we were drawn against the worst team in the two BCFA divisions, who turned up with ten men including their long retired manager. We stuffed them 10-1.

We then received a bye through the quarterfinal when our bitter rivals Santos couldn't get a team together. So, after one victory (and one defeat) we found ourselves in the semi-final against one of the top first division teams, who we miraculously beat 5-4 on penalties after perhaps the luckiest 120 minutes of football I have ever witnessed. Our keeper, who is known for his howlers (and was largely responsible for all three goals that we conceded tonight), was man of the match, and I remember him saving at least a couple with his arse.

So anyway, we made it. This will be my first final, in fact my first chance of winning anything, ever... Do come!

Random weather blog

2007-04-16T14:23:00.000Z

H recently mocked me for discussing the weather. Apparently I sounded "so English" when I used the expression "last cold snap of the winter". My addition that the UK had just experienced the warmest winter since records began was greeted with yet more mockery.

According to H this is also a very "English" thing to say. It's not that other countries don't discuss the weather, she explained, but just that us Brits are always banging on about it being the warmest/wettest/coldest something since records began.

Anyway, really this blog is just an excuse to post some pretty pictures. I had intended to make a time-lapse video of the following scene, but it soon became apparent I needed a fixed camera. Shame, because as you can see from the first and last shot, a time-lapse vid might have looked pretty cool...

I also spent time playing with my new camera settings to get some decent shots of the bluebells in our back garden...

Perhaps even more sad than this, I then waited patiently to try and get a shot of a wasp feeding, but that proved to be pretty tricky...

If only this one had focussed properly...

It's also the time of year for Jonny's favourite species to emerge...

Anyway, back to the weather. Chew's barber informed him on Saturday that it was 26c. I'm pretty confident that must be the warmest April 14th in the south of Bristol since records began.

Clifton Suspension Bridge

2007-04-06T12:26:00.000Z

H once asked me to take some photos of the Clifton Suspension Bridge so she could put one up in her flat. I finally got round to it last Sunday when I went to meet Bevan, Rosie & Josh.

Climbers under the bridge...

See?

I think this is probably the choice pic, it's just a shame the tide was out...

The other side of the gorge...

Take your pick H!

It's the best I could do without going out at dawn, which clearly isn't going to happen.

Foolishly we then had the same idea as everyone else in Clifton on the first warmish Sunday of the year, and spent 20 minutes trying to get served at the Avon Gorge Hotel. Josh is looking especially cute at the moment...

The Real David Gray

2007-03-31T19:10:00.000Z

Nearly eleven months ago, Em's birthday was celebrated in Croyde and although I couldn't make the trip I heard lots about it. Richard will no doubt remember it for picking up a knee injury just before the start of the triathlon season (jumping over sand dunes, by all accounts).

I had also heard a lot about David Gray's performance, which had been captured on camera by Bruce. Apparently the plan was to send it to Jonny, clearly his number one fan.

Low and behold, well within a year of the event, I can now provide the footage...

By the way, if David's face looks rather wide it's because the video was shot in portrait and I had to rotate it before uploading it, however Youtube decided to stretch it out to fit their window.

Mind you he was pretty tubby back then too...

Relief... Success!

2007-03-22T00:55:00.000Z

I'm sure I've said this many times before, but Friday's Breakout really was the best yet. Firstly, Bevan and I turned an empty front-bar dancefloor into this...

And then the Taxman created havoc in the back room...

The bass really was quite ridiculous...

Needless to say, I didn't need to make that trek to the cashpoint. There's plenty more pics on the Breakout blog, by the way.

I had some more music related good news today, but at the opposite end of the spectrum. One of my downtempo tracks, 'Paranoid Culture' was played on Breakthruradio.com. Unfortunately there is no direct link to the show, but if anyone's interested in having a listen it's pretty easy to find. You just have to scroll down the show-list until you find a little pink box with "BTR Downtime - Wednesday 21st March" written in it...and give it a click.

Just when I thought things were coming together, I've been struck down with man-flu.

Breakout Tomorrow

2007-03-15T22:07:00.000Z

I realise that most readers have probably never heard of the Taxman, but believe it or not he's pretty massive in the drum'n'bass world and we've spent a small fortune in putting this night on. One day before the event I'm feeling very nervous about how it will pan out, but then I always do at this stage. I still fear the day that we don't take enough to pay the DJ's. It hasn't happened yet, and hopefully it never will.

I found out today that my insurance has doubled as a result of that kid nicking Beverley on my birthday, and last week Beverley 2 cost me £170 to MOT.

Needless to say as a student on a health-care assistant wage I can't afford to cover any Breakout losses!

Last month's 'Ladies Night' was good fun, although Bevan and I got a lot of stick from the punters who wanted drum'n'bass, as Dutty Girl were playing hip-hop until 2am. I even got approached by an angry lady, who looked me square in the eye and told me that if the drum'n'bass didn't start soon she would "..come back and get me".

Thankfully DJ Dazee arrived and it 'kicked off'. I spotted that same lady on the dancefloor and shouted "drum'n'bass!" at her very loudly. She nodded politely but looked baffled, as if she had never seen me before in her life, and walked away. At least she didn't come back and get me, I suppose.

Anyway, as you can see, spring came early on Stokes Croft this year...

Sexy Mild Man

2007-03-05T17:13:00.000Z

As Ben has already mentioned on his new blog, his birthday hilarities did not end with some over-exuberant pancake tossing. Having devoured the offending pancake (despite multiple viewings of the video that clearly showed it ended up on the floor), Ben set about submitting an entry for me on 'sexfinder.com'. My protestations were futile.

Now I should say at this point that if anyone is easily offended, or under eighteen, I apologise unreservedly for this brief lapse in my blog's cleanliness standards, and highly recommend not reading any of the text in the following screenshots...

With a profile like that, I obviously wasn't expecting any replies, especially when Ben attached the now infamous 'toothless chav' photo as my profile image.

It came as a bit of a shock when I received the following message within a couple of hours...

Just from looking at sitzoop's profile image I could tell she was a shy girl. I did however get suspicious that she hadn't actually looked at my profile, when she said she hoped to meet my needs. I would have thought that Ben had stated my 'needs' in no uncertain terms.

Anyway, much to my amazement the replies kept coming. Jill had clearly gone to a lot of effort with her profile image...

I wonder if that's her husband's arm, just creeping into frame? Next...

To be honest uterbec, I'm pretty sleepy most of the time myself. Next...

Ahem.

And finally, la Pièce de résistance...

So, what do you reckon? Should I reply to any of them?

Ben's Birthday Pancakes

2007-02-25T21:54:00.000Z

Mr Ben McGuinness turned the barely youthful age of 29 late last week, and to celebrate we had a traditional Bristol night out...

We met at the Watershed at about 10:00 and drunk at a very fast pace until midnight when they called time. We slowly left the building and stood in a huddle deciding where to go next before concluding that we should just go back to my middle room and drink red wine. Being the birthday boy, Ben took the role of DJ, and Em came up with the genius suggestion of pancakes. We had one egg, but still managed to make enough batter mix for six.

Bruce took the taste test and promptly gave it a resounding 'thumbs-up'

With four pancakes devoured, Em suggested I film her attempting a 'high toss', seemingly determined to give me some top notch material for this blog. I don't think any of us anticipated that the idea would provide such comedy footage as this...

Just in case anyone can't watch that due to company firewalls, or something, you can view it here (presuming your firewalls don't also block youtube). It's well worth it!

Happy birthday Button!

And Again!

2007-02-24T13:29:00.000Z

The boys at OTC have used my track again on their webast, but this time they've only gone and opened their show with it!! (and there's no MC shouting over it either).

My First (mini) Break

2007-02-14T00:31:00.000Z

I suppose having a track featured on a myspace webcast for unsigned talent is a good start. It's four minutes into the show (Morph - Albino), and only lasts a minute, but the mc's response had Chewy and myself chuckling (and left me feeling rather chuffed!)

"Yeaahh Boy...Apsolutely!"

"Take me to the zone!"

Busy Bee

2007-02-06T19:25:00.000Z

It seems like just about every spare moment recently has been taken up with music and promotion. In the first month of setting up a myspace, I've had two 'unsigned talent' online radio stations message me to ask for tunes, one of which might be dropping an old dirty d'n'b tune of mine on their next webcast. Ironically, they didn't think much of my latest chilled efforts, so I pulled out an old chunky number, which I'm not very keen on, and they loved it. Each to their own.

The other request was from 'Breakthruradio.com', specifically their 'downtime' show, which is definitely worth a listen. In fact it's a great website generally, for anyone who likes decent new music. I haven't actually got round to sending him anything yet, but his message said he liked the down tempo track on myspace, so I really should get round to it.

I've also sent my latest tune, 'Inflicted' to a newly formed drum'n'bass label, after receiving a 'friend request' from them. I wasn't expecting them to love it and instantly sign it, although I did have my fingers and toes crossed. The guy said he loved the vocal and praised the 'groove', but said I needed to build it up a bit with some more incidental noises. Still, it was nice to get my first bit of direct feedback.

I've also been postering and posting on forums for the next Breakout, of course, as well as uploading a 'Left Hand Skratch' mix (WARING - This link will upload the mix to your player!) onto the Breakout myspace.

On top of that, I've been working on a new reggae influenced drum'n'bass tune, featuring one of my favourite King Tubby samples. In fact, I sent an early version of it to Aries through msn.

Aries is the DJ who played at last month's breakout, who has made fame recently for writing reggae influenced drum'n'bass, so I was hoping for some good feedback. His response, was to send me a tune of his own, with the message - "Like the tune - check this out, also in progress - you'll laugh!".

Perhaps predictably, it contained exactly the same King Tubby sample. We did take very different approaches with it though, so I'm really going to try and get mine as strong as I can, and try to push for a b-side on his release! In fact, I've asked a trumpet player to come round and put some live parts down (and it already contains some live guitars).

Believe it or not, before you slate me for claiming that all of the above makes me 'busy', I have also been working Monday to Friday 9-5 on another placement. So there!

I have managed to take a few photos with the new camera though (and all without leaving the house)...

Firstly, the rain over the crematorium...

Chimney...

Sainsbury's...

And this one was actually taken with my old camera a couple of months ago, but what a beauty!

Breakout Update

2007-01-26T18:01:00.000Z

At 11:00 last Friday evening, Bevan and I took our turn on the decks in the knowledge that there had only been four paying customers up to that point. 'Aries' had arrived and walked through an empty dancefloor to drop off his records, and I was a nervous man.

By the end of our set, a handful of people had made their way onto the dancefloor, and there was a small crowd gathered at the bar, looking on. I remained quite worried as I wondered towards the bar and made my way through the small crowd, until I turned the corner to see that the rest of the venue was packed! Given that any deficit on the night was coming out of my own pocket, I was understandably relieved.

Perhaps I was also nervous about the fact that Aries might have come all the way from Birmingham to play to an empty room. I decided to go and have a chat with him, as I'd only managed a brief 'hello' when he arrived. I scoured the venue, but I couldn't see him anywhere. At least the dancefloor was picking up by now...

After ten minutes of searching, I liased with Sam, Ben and Chewy to see if they could help. They all agreed that he has a very distinctive blond goatee and long hair, so couldn't really be missed. Suddenly, I spotted someone in the darkness with a cap and a blond goatee. Sam agreed that it must be Aries, so I went to say hello.

As I approached, he made eye contact with me and then instantly looked downwards, lowering his cap to avoid my gaze. Convinced that I had the right man, I leant down towards him and said 'Hello'.

At this point I realised that it couldn't possibly be Aries, as his goatee was nothing more than a bit of stubble. It was too late to turn back, so I had to come up with something, and quick...

"Umm, Are you umm...are you Aries?" I muttered.

He shook his head.

After shaking off my embarrassment I did manage to find the real Aries eventually, and we had a great chat about drum'n'bass and the arts of promotion, and production. In fact, it was nice to get a few tips from him about vocal equalisation, which I employed on my latest tune!

Thankfully by the time Aries hit the decks, King Toby had the dancefloor rammed and it turned into a fantastic night...

Toby Poole came along as a Don't Stay In.com 'spotter' and took these pics too, which are much better at portraying the general atmosphere than mine.

I can't finish this post without briefly mentioning a couple of incidents involving Sam.

Firstly, he took a turn on the door later in the evening, and let someone out to speak on her mobile. When she returned, he jokingly asked her for £20. She leant down, and licked his cheek from chin to eye-socket. His face was a picture.

Secondly, he was convinced by Rosie that drinking a glass of water up side down was really a good idea to cure his hiccoughs. Unfortunately I didn't witness the incident, but apparently it came out of his nose before he'd had a chance to swallow. Rosie said it was one of the funniest things she'd ever seen.

Finally, I know I say this every month, but I'm really looking forward to next month's event. Never one to shy away from a gimmick, it's 'Ladies Night!'

Bristol City 2-0 Brighton

2007-01-24T17:44:00.000Z

From Bristol City Website:

Gary Johnson praised his team for their professionalism in what he considered a "very comfortable" Johnstone's Paint Trophy win over Brighton at Ashton Gate.

"It was convincing and it was comfortable. Brighton never looked like hurting us when they had the ball, and for a while it was a duel between Scott Murray and their keeper. Unfortunately Kuipers won that battle. He has made several great saves to stop us winning by a much bigger margin"

And the manager was quick to express the hope that Bristol Rovers eventually win their twice postponed Southern semi-final tie at Shrewsbury to set up a two-legged derby clash next month.

"Of course we would like Rovers to get through. Fans of both clubs have been talking about it for some time and it would be great for the city of Bristol."

COME ON YOU REDS!! (And bring on the blues...)

New Camera, New Myspace, and the Wind

2007-01-18T23:50:00.000Z

I thought it was about time I mentioned my new camera. It's a beast! In fact, to be honest it's such a beast that I do regret taking it on NYE, as it's not very practical (or indeed necessary) for the indoor action shots. Thankfully I still have my dodgy old Nikon to take to Breakout tomorrow night (just had to slip that one in there).

I still haven't been able to use my new camera that much though, as I don't have a case for it yet (picking up tomorrow morning from Bedminster parcel collection!) However I do like this over-exposed shot of my parents' fruit-bowl...

Also, I took this sunset shot from my bathroom window on the day I received the camera, and it's been my desktop wallpaper ever since. It was taken on full optical zoom and the definition is still remarkable, in fact you can make out at least five birds, all of which were a long way away...

So fond on that photo am I, that I decided to use it as the background to my own myspace, which I've been busy setting up over the last couple of weeks. I decided to set one up as a way of getting my music heard, and it already seems to be working pretty well - I've been asked to send tracks to a label called OTC who broadcast a live webcast every Wednesday full of 'unsigned talent'. It's a start.

Anyway, it's probably quite boring in that I only really mention music and production on it (plus photos!), but like I say I'm just using it as a platform to start getting my music heard. I've decided to make more of an effort with that this year, and I've got a real gem on the go at the moment with a wicked Nina Simone vocal that I'm quite excited about.

Finally, I thought I'd post this video that I took this afternoon from just outside my back door. It was very windy. You can clearly hear burglar alarms and wind chimes, but if you listen closely you'll hear me shrieking about halfway through when I nearly get blown off my feet, and possibly the sound of the wheely bins that were flying down the middle of the road...

NYE (Part 3): The Morning After

2007-01-13T13:38:00.000Z

The first mission of the day involved getting Sam out of bed, which was smartly achieved by Mr Freakes who took the direct approach of jumping up and down on the airbed, sending Sam flying about three feet into the air.

Finally, after a lot of knocking on the toilet door to see if it really was 'engaged', we set out for an afternoon stroll.

We said our goodbyes to George, who had to make the journey home, and re-shuffled the cars.

Mr Freakes led the way...

When we reached this viewpoint, he pointed lazily towards the horizon with his unplastered arm, and using just the one word informed us that it was "Pretty"...

Thankfully Mr Freakes' jacket contained a homing beacon, which was very reassuring as we wondered into the countryside.

Sam was really quite perplexed by the sight of moss...

Before we knew it, we'd reached our destination: Gold Hill. The location of the famous Hovis advert, set in Yorkshire, and filmed in Shaftesbury.

As mentioned previously, we had an intimate encounter with a middle-aged chap, who shamelessly let out the most humongous fart, just as we walked past him.

You could tell that he'd really put a lot of effort into it.

Actually, I felt a bit sorry for him because we had approached very quietly, and he obviously thought the coast was clear to let rip with pride, as he looked very embarrassed and apologised when he glanced around to notice that I was standing about two yards away from him.

In fact, the rest of the group immediately looked accusatively in my direction, and asked if I was the guilty man. Obviously I was in a predicament here, as I needed to clear my name, but at the same time I didn't really feel like I could point at the guy standing just behind me and explain that it was him.

Thankfully Sam, who was aware of the true culprit, muttered something under his breath to the rest of the group which was immediately greeted by a huge round of giggles.

The chap scuttled off down the hill.

Anyway, here's the money shot...

Finally, any thoughts on this bizarre photo?

NYE (Part 2): Coktails

2007-01-07T12:53:00.000Z

Mr Legge spent some time studying the cocktail book on NYE afternoon, in preparation for a booze-run to the local supermarket. We pondered why just about every cocktail seems to have one completely random, but crucial ingredient.

After feasting on Wendy's cracking chilli...

...we assessed the cocktail situation and realised, perhaps predictably, that we were missing one crucial ingredient from every cocktail in the book.

We had a round of Moscow Mules and Bloody Mary's, which are surely only pseudo-cocktails, containing as they do just the one spirit. It was time for some improvisation.

Unfortunately, my first attempt was a complete disaster. Despite working in a bar for three years I managed to forget a very basic principle...

Do NOT add, even a SPLASH of coke, to any mix containing baileys.

I had to redeem myself.

After some consideration I reached for the gin, and half-filled a cocktail shaker. With very little further consideration, I added a splash of vermouth and a splash of whiskey, both of which had been salvaged from the spirits cabinet (and one had a copyright mark; 1999).

At this point I noticed that this foul mixture, believe it or not, is actually a cocktail in it's own right. It's a 'Smokey Martini', and the only cocktail in the entire book that we could make.

A taste-test revealed that it is without a doubt, a complete wrong-un.

Thankfully Rich arrived in the kitchen to provide some much-needed assistance. A plan was hatched to use the 'Smokey Martini' mix as a half measure, to be topped up with tonic and a twist of lime.

It was a winner! We tagged it the 'Gayboys' Recovery™'

By the time everyone had finished their first Gayboys' Recovery it was time to hand out the party poppers and champagne...

We had planned to make another cocktail by combining Guinness and champagne, to make a 'Black Velvet', which according to the book is the "...most tempting and drinkable looking drink in the World". Unfortunately Rich had bought 'Guinness Original', which is more of an ale than a stout, and probably wouldn't have been quite so appealing.

And Pose:

Once we'd got through the midnight rituals it was time to employ the food mixer for another homemade cocktail attempt.

With incredibly little consideration, Rich and I chucked in a load of baileys and vodka, and added splashes of vermouth, whiskey and soda water, plus the most crucial ingredient: one of Sam's banana's.

Again, it was a winner. In fact it really was very tasty, and made me realise that cocktail books are completely unnecessary. We tagged it the 'Gaylord's Revenge™'

The first round of Gaylord's Revenge went down very quickly, and I had to take my turn back behind the decks. I couldn't believe my luck when I was promptly handed another cocktail by Em, which was a slight variation on the Gaylord's Revenge in that it also contained dark rum and chocolate shavings. Yes, our third and final trademarked cocktail of the evening, it was indeed; the "Gayman's Pride™"!

Perhaps it was the combination of cocktails and painkillers, but Mr Freakes made the mistake of looking tired on the sofa, which quite frankly made him a sitting duck for people like Sam (who will always be able to find a missile from somewhere).

Although, to be fair, Mr Freakes did manage to muster the energy for retaliation...

Finally, with only four of us remaining we decided to have one last round of Gayman's Pride...

At this point I discovered the source of the chocolate shavings... It was a grated Lindt. Unfortunately on this occasion, the Lindt seemed to have lost it's grating potential by the time reached the fourth cup, so not wanting Bruce to go without, Rich decided to chuck the remains into his cup, which must have looked so appealing...

And the moment of realisation...

The night ended watching Sam try and pump up his airbed for about half an hour before he realised that all the air was escaping, and then spending another half an hour blowing it up with his mouth. My chav lilo, on the other hand, took about five minutes.

So there you have it. It was a fun night with plenty of silliness thrown in for good measure, shaken with a large dose of oddness and a twist of bizarre.

'Part 3: The Morning After', is coming soon!

NYE (Part One): On the Decks Tonight...

2007-01-04T13:57:00.000Z

Sifting through my New Years snaps, it seems that there are just too many good'uns, so I thought I'd split them up a bit; save peoples' scrolling finger some energy.

For those that don't know, I spent the night with some mates at a bungalow (not a cottage) in rainy Shaftesbury, which is a quaint little Dorset town pretty much due south of Bristol.

I took along my decks, and Richard was under strict instructions to ensure that I didn't take any of my breaks/drum'n'bass records, as Mr Freakes was going to bring along his collection of cheesy 80's seven-inches that had gone down so well at his Birthday party (although I did manage to sneak in a little bag of my own!)

Now just a few days before Christmas, Mr Freakes bust his arm up good and proper in a snowboarding accident, when showing off to the kids on a school trip. Note that he still wears his hospital tag with pride...

I realised that this would be the ideal moment to suggest that we have a long talked-about 'scratch-off' on the decks...

Mr Freakes was clearly in some discomfort, but played through the pain barrier, using his fingers on the crossfader as he couldn't grip it with his thumb. But that's no excuse...

I whooped him!

As the night went on, everyone took it in turns to have a stint on the decks. DJ Legge got things started and looked the part. His set was full of classics and seemed to go down well with everyone. Wendy was clearly getting into it...

Next up was DJ Baaaaaaaxx, and all of a sudden things were getting very eclectic. For me, the biggest 'whoop' of the night came when he snuck into my record bag and dropped 'Origin Unknown - Valley of the Shadows', which is that old-school drum'n'bass tune with a huge bass line that has some woman talking about 'standing in a long dark tunnel'. This was closely followed, however, with 'The Bangles - Walk Like an Egyptian'...

...And that was followed up with 'Dire Straights - Sultans of Swing'!

Sam clearly thought that the rest of the room was distracted while it was playing...

...But without him realising, I managed to capture him strumming away on his air-guitar!

Mr Freakes took to the Decks before Midnight, and with only five minutes left in 2006, he realised that he still hadn't selected a tune to play as Big Ben struck 12. A frantic search followed, and between us, we managed to just about play 'Europe - The Final Countdown' quietly as everyone counted down to midnight, and then 'Dee-lite - Groove is in the Heart' became the first tune of 2007. Not a bad start to the year...

Except that everyone forgot to give Mr Freakes any Champagne...

Finally, as the night drew to a close, DJ Woo put everyone else to shame...

Not only did she look the part at the wheels of steel, but she also managed to pull off the mix of the night, which was even more eclectic than Sam's best efforts. 'Louis Armstrong - What a Wonderful World', into...

...Oh, now what was it again?!

Christmas Lights

2006-12-30T17:45:00.000Z

Recently, Naomi posted pictures of some rather tasteful Swiss Christmas lights, and I was challenged to write a blog about Christmas lights in England, to see how they compare. Never one to back away from a challenge, (unless it involves any more than a moderate amount of effort); I set out with my trusty camera-phone to take some snaps.

Now I have to say that my street's effort this year was pathetic. Not a sparkly light in sight...

Apart of course from the neighbours, who didn't disappoint. It took me a good fortnight to pick my moment to take this shot though, waiting until all their curtains were drawn and upstairs lights turned off. After this incident, who can blame me?

The neighbour's effort was ok, but I knew I could find better if I ventured further afield. Perhaps Bristol City Council would come up with the goods...

That's a no, then.

Christmas came and went, and I still hadn't managed to get any decent snaps. I was growing frustrated, but still had hope. I knew that if I took the Gloucester Road route to my parents' house for a belated Christmas dinner last night, there was a good chance of finding some gems. I wasn't wrong...

Apologies for the blurriness of the photos. Obviously, taking a really decent shot would involve setting up a tripod in front of the house, which is probably not recommended on the boarders of Horfield, Filton and Southmead.

My parents' truly suburban street was very tastefully illuminated. It seems that the new craze for this season is to have flickery lights hanging from the drainpipes. Pretty much every house had them. One year, someone put up some candlelights in the front window, and within a week they were dotted all over the street.

Having said that, there was one house this year that had taken things just that little bit further. It wasn't my parent's house, by the way (who had flickery lights hanging from the drainpipes).

We have a winner!

Christmas Time

2006-12-23T15:02:00.000Z

There's no denying it any longer - Christmas is here. Yesterday, my day typified that in so many ways. Firstly, I had a selection of Christmas cheese and a couple of Mike's legendary homemade pickled shallots for lunch. Thanks to Mike for bringing them round (and H, for asking him to!) It just wouldn't be Christmas without them...

I even managed to watch 15 minutes of "Santa Claus: The Movie" while I was munching, but then it occurred to me that I should probably go and do some Christmas shopping, seeing as I hadn't actually started it yet. The fog, (which appears to be covering most of the northern hemisphere) added to that festive feeling.

The shopping went remarkably well. Of course, it was horrendous in the Mall but I managed to get in and out, buying seven presents and cards, in just under two hours. Perhaps the only slightly uncomfortable moment was when I handed quite a bulky present to the shopkeeper at BHS, just as I noticed that her right arm ended at the elbow. She then proceeded to struggle to get the box into a bag, and I was left with that difficult decision... Do I help and risk treating her like an invalid? Or do I just leave her struggling and risk appearing heartless? I decided to take the third option of looking uncomfortably down at my wallet, and pretending that I hadn't noticed her struggling. Thankfully she got there in the end.

When I got home, I decided to use my bumper wage (thanks to backdated petrol claims) to buy myself an advance Christmas present. I'd been keeping an eye on this badboy for some time on ebay, and generally they were going for at least £250, so I took full advantage yesterday when I spotted one with a 'buy it now' price of £210. The guy even phoned me on my way into Town to tell me that I'd got myself a really good camera at a bargain price, which was a nice touch.

Anyway, perhaps the final confirmation that it was Christmas came later that night, with the return of Mr Skinner...

...And, we "had it"!

Pegs™ Preparations

2006-12-20T21:22:00.000Z

Preparations for Pegs™ 2007 are already well underway. Perhaps the only problem with the ingenious ten-point option introduced near the start of the 2006 season, is that we tend to get through a lot of corks. Generally they end up in the peg graveyard at the back of our garden, or lodged into the bush. I do seem to remember a few particularly terrible efforts that might well have made it into someone else's garden. By the end of the summer I was struggling to get through enough wine to keep the game going, but as the season drew to a close my habit of collecting corks continued.

It's been some time now since it was warm enough to consider having a game, and the rather old-fashioned vase that we employed might finally be full. Well, that's what I thought anyway...

Possibly, the best Breakout yet.

2006-12-18T02:58:00.000Z

Well, it was probably my favourite anyway. Despite the fact that we only put up about 30 'legal' posters and didn't book any 'big name' DJ's, it was a top night.

So simple, and so much fun!

Also, I've been beavering away to create a 'myspace' page for Breakout, which includes a couple of my tunes, a photo slide-show, and a comical spiel that I wrote in the early hours one night last week just to test it out (possibly during the lunch-break in the ashes), and for better or worse it appears to have stuck.

On a personal note, it's my last day at uni on Tuesday and I've got a few more random blogs up my sleeve.

Cranes

2006-12-09T17:05:00.000Z

I've spent most of the last five days sitting in my rocking chair writing two very dull 3000 word essays, watching the clouds speeding past and straining to hear the quiet jazz over the torrent of sleet and hail battering against the window. This photo was taken on the day of the tornado in London, that far-away readers may not have heard about as they were out sunning it on beaches and balconies.

So, I thought this week I'd publish some pictures I've taken over recent weeks of the cranes and roadwork's for the redevelopment of Bristol city centre, which I regularly have to negotiate my way past on the way to and from work or uni. In fact, all of these photos were taken from my driving seat when waiting at a red light, which is probably highly illegal but I figure that as long as you scout for coppers first it's fine. In any case, there's only been one occasion that I've looked back after taking a photo to discover that there's 20 metres of empty road in front of me.

Right, well these first two were taken from the Old Market roundabout direction, after coming up through the underpass...

This one was taken on the new road that winds up to the M32, looking back towards town. In fact, I think that's the Holiday Inn on James Barton roundabout in the bottom right corner...

The next two were taken from the bottom of the M32. You can see the corner of Office World in the left of the second shot...

Finally, I managed to get these snaps yesterday morning on the way to hand in my essays. The first is from the Old Market roundabout looking towards Easton where the car park used to be, and the second is off the Counterslip road...

I was very chuffed with that last one, especially as I'd managed to take it while stuck in a traffic jam, as it would probably get some good reviews at an art display. I say that, because there's something about the curves and angles that are visually pleasing. No doubt the amount of parallel lines has something to do with that, but to be honest I've never really understood why that sort of arty shot always gets good acclaim at exhibitions, as I'd much rather look at the slightly unparallel lines of a row of trees any day of the week...

A New Addiction...

2006-12-04T13:22:00.000Z

I have made a new discovery. I received a text from a guy who I met in Thailand nearly three years ago, who knew I was a fan of online poker, to tell me to check out pkr.com.

"It's 3D," he had said.

Seeing as I have two essays due in this week, neither of which I've started, I figured it was worth a look.

It's superb!

The idea is that being 3D it's supposed to be far more realistic to a real poker table than the other online poker sites. Your character can be created to the finest detail - with about fifty different 'heads' to choose from, male or female, and a seemingly unlimited variation of hairstyles, clothing, and accessories. As you play you earn pkr points, and these can be used to purchase clothes, hats and shades. If you save up a lot, you can even buy 'chip-tricks' that you character can perform at the table, such as the 'ten chip shuffle'. It's therefore easy to tell the experienced players from the newcomers, which is a nice touch.

After some deliberation I decided to go for a cross between Richard Prior and Samuel L Jackson, mainly because I've always secretly wanted an afro. I gave him a south USA accent, and so far I've purchased a nice pair of combat trousers, as the free tracksuit bottoms that you start off with just didn't do the character justice.

Here I am playing with my chips when waiting for another hand to finish (looking cool)...

When you're at the table, you can select a mood for your player, ranging from angry to casual, and your cards remain face down so you have to keep checking them, just like in real poker...

There's also about 20 different actions that you can perform, including tapping your fingers, shaking your head, yawning, coughing, cheering, booing, dancing and laughing. Check me out here, casually twirling my chips in my hand before folding. I bet he was worried...

It seems like there's a lot of 'loose' players around too, perhaps concentrating more on the tricks and interactions than the actual poker. In my first two days on the site I've managed to turn $20 into $47. Now I realise I said I'd never invest money into poker sites again, but this one was just too good. In any case, if it keeps going this well then maybe I will be able to go on holiday at Easter again after all.

Thinking about it, I'll probably have a few essay resubmissions due in around that time, so maybe not.

My Night at Breakout

2006-11-26T13:35:00.000Z

The best thing about putting on Breakout is that it's a rare chance to get everyone together. I was well chuffed last Friday that so many of the old Bristol 'crew' turned up, especially Mr Freakes making the trip from London. I heard a rumour from Sam on the previous night that he was considering coming, so I texted him and told him to bring some records (knowing that this would pretty much guarantee his arrival). More on that later.

Bev and I decided to do the warm-up set for Blackout, mainly so we could get the DJing over and done with and concentrate on getting completely hammered. Well, that and making sure the night was running smoothly.

I really enjoyed our set. It was great watching the room filling up as we played, especially seeing so many friends on the dancefloor.

Chew spent a lot of our set doing his best impression of this guy...

So I took the opportunity to pass him my camera and get some close-ups from the floor...

We managed to get most of the room dancing by the time Blackout graced the stage, and I watched the first ten minutes of their set. They were just getting the place rocking and I was filming the huge second drop on 'Massaka' when Bev popped up from nowhere...

"Mate! We've broken even!" was the urgent message that he simply had to shout at me at the top of his voice. Mind you, I was relieved to hear it, and it made me realise that we had to go and sort out paying the venue, and the sound engineer, and set aside the money for Blackout, and then go and buy drinks for all the other DJ's and performers that we had booked.

This process took a good hour of running around, stopping to have two-minute conversations with about 20 different people along the way. It was easy to forget what I was supposed to be doing and I have little doubt that I left a couple of people waiting for drinks that never arrived.

When I was running around like a headless chicken I had walked past 'our lot' a number of times but hadn't been able to sit and chat. I did give my camera to Em though, and it wasn't until the next morning that I discovered the following series of photos...

By the time I'd finished running around I went to check on the door, where Bev's girlfriend and sister, Rosie and Rosie, had been for some time. It was only fair that I volunteer to take over.

So, I sat on the door for half an hour or so, on my own, watching everyone else enjoying themselves...

Eventually Bevan came to take over and for the first time in the night, I was able to do whatever I wanted to do. It was an odd feeling. I went and sat down with Sam, Ben & Kim and couldn't shake the feeling that I was supposed to be doing something else. There's a strange irony about putting on a club night, that you spend so much time and effort making sure that everyone comes along and has a good night, it becomes very difficult to fully enjoy it yourself.

Having said that, after ten minutes or so of chatting to those guys I started to chill out a bit. I suppose it was past 2:30am and the hard work was all over, so in effect my party started now.

Pretty soon I went and joined Mr Freakes on the dancefloor, and after witnessing him getting whooped in an outrageous 'dance off' with this guy, which reminded me of that scene from American Wedding, I decided it was time to ask him about his records.

Mark had first noticed my text that morning, and warned me that he only had five minutes to chuck some tunes into his car before he left the house. He opened his box of records, and Sam randomly pulled out a 7".

It was Kylie Minogue & Jason Donovan with 'Especially for You'.

A quick flick through the rest of the box revealed a lot of the 80's classic party hits that I remember from his 30th. I have to confess that I was slightly concerned that I might have made a huge error at this point. It's not that I don't love the 80's party tracks, because I do. Well, some of them anyway. I just wasn't sure that this kind of DJing was really what I was looking for at Breakout.

It was undoubtedly the huge amount of alcohol in my system that prompted me to get Mark onto the Decks despite my concerns, combined with the fact that by now it was 3:40am so even if he cleared the floor it wouldn't matter too much. As it turned out, he had a few old-school jungle numbers up his sleeve which went down a treat with the remaining dancers. He even had some people whooping. Thankfully it seems everyone else was pretty hammered too so they probably would have danced to anything. Urm, no offence Mr Freakes, and thanks again.

All in all it was a top top night, marred only slightly by the fact that I didn't really get to chat to everyone very much, and by the time I'd finished running around most of my mates had gone home! Still, many thanks to everyone for coming along. I hope you had a good night and come back for the next one on Friday 15th December. It's gonna be a less hectic affair as it's a residents night, so for the first time we'll be able to go into the night without a huge financial burden. I am hoping therefore that I'll be considerably less stressed and be able to actually chat to some of you.

Breakout is going to continue at the Croft on the third Friday of every month, and we've got some exciting plans in the pipeline for the New Year, including (fingers crossed) a performance from Massive Attack's Daddy G!

Finally, I have a NYE suggestion for anyone who will be in the Bristol area...

Some of you may know Ed, who used to run the Croft when we first did Breakout there a few years ago. He now owns a cider boat, which is just around the corner from the Llandogger and the Old Duke. Joe Brown and Neil Watkins are DJing, and it's fancy dress with a theme. Apparently, you have to go dressed as something or someone that begins with 'A', and for every letter 'A' in your title you will get a free drink. I am expecting to see a lot of Anastasia's, admiral ackbar's, or Ayatollah khomeini's

Advance tickets are a tenner. What do you reckon?

Breakout Kicked Ass!

2006-11-19T19:55:00.000Z

What a night! It was a roaring success. We managed to pay off our debts and have a little left in the kitty, and we heard nothing from those nasty people at Bristol City Council...

See for yourself at the Breakout Blog, and I'll be posting more of a personal account on here very soon...

The Trials and Tribulations of Promotion

2006-11-13T22:12:00.000Z

I never wanted to be a promoter. ('I wanted to be a Lumberjack, leaping from tree to tree').

It's a stressful business that involves a lot of time and effort, and even then there's no guarantee that it will pay off. ('Hardest game in the world, promotion. 50 years, man and boy').

I can't stop thinking of dodgy outdated comedy clichés. Obviously I can't take this promotion lark very seriously, even though I've invested money that I can't afford to invest, and it feels like all of my spare time over the last fortnight has been spent either organising the event, or promoting it online (including setting up a blog), or driving around Bristol whacking posters up.

I've moaned about the chore of postering before, but since then the Croft received a letter from the council threatening them with a £5000 fine because three different illegal posters had been retrieved advertising their venue.

We were one of them.

The Croft contacted me and told me that although they were very pleased that we were making an effort with our promotion, they couldn't afford to pay that sort of money, so they have asked us to sign a disclaimer to say that they knew nothing about our illegal postering. A few days later the council chappy actually paid them a visit, and they managed to persuade him that they had nothing to do with the posters. He was happy to drop the fine, but warned that any future recovery of illegal posters would incur a £75 fine per poster.

Bev and I decided that, seeing as we haven't signed their disclaimer yet, and we already had 150 posters printed and ready to put out for Friday's event, we would just carry on and hope that we can sweet-talk our way out of any fine, should it be imposed.

We've also vowed not to bother with illegal postering in the future (much to my relief), and have already compiled a substantial list of legal poster sites, such as pubs, newsagents and fast food outlets.

So, if all goes according to plan, Friday night's event will be rammed full of punters, I'll be able to pay myself back the money I couldn't afford to invest, and we'll hear nothing more from the nasty people at Bristol City Council.

The worst-case scenario, however, simply isn't worth thinking about.

Fireworks and Fog

2006-11-07T15:34:00.000Z

I believe I have perfectly captured the moment that I last saw any hint of the sun...

Eleven minutes past five, last Thursday afternoon. Since then it's been pretty miserable, to say the least.

Saturday night brought the City's annual fireworks display at the Downs. I doubled up on socks and jackets, and made the journey up the hill to meet Rosie and Josh. Josh will be three in January, so it was probably the first time he's seen fireworks and been old enough to enjoy them.

Traditionally I ruin fireworks displays by spending the entire time trying to take the perfect fireworks photograph with a shockingly inadequate camera, and no tripod (obviously essential). I have learned from experience not to bother trying, especially as it means watching most of the display on a two-inch screen, which surely defeats the whole point of watching fireworks.

So this year, I filmed it instead.

Just so that you could watch the display on a two-inch screen...

I also managed to capture the Grand Finale. Obviously my slightly camp enthusiasm at the end was for Josh's sake, who you can hear going "wooooo" when the camera pans to blackness.

Of course Sunday night was the turn of every family in Bedminster to have their own private display, and every kid to try and find the slack shopkeepers who will sell them rockets, so that they can fire them at each other across the street.

On Monday morning I woke up to this... My normal view across Bedmo obscured by thick fog. Notice the cat sitting on the neighbour's shed, who has no doubt just been for his morning shit in our cat-litter tray of a back garden. I have had a running battle throughout the summer with the neighbour's cats, which I'll no doubt get round to blogging one of these days.

Anyway, I mistakenly thought that it was nothing more than a post-fireworks fog that would clear by noon. I was wrong. It didn't clear all day. In fact it was still around this-morning, when I took these photos on my way into uni...

Yes, obviously my lecture didn't start until 9:47. Late? Me?

Google Earth

2006-10-28T13:07:00.000Z

I have finally found my new addiction. Anyone who hasn't discovered Google Earth yet must have been living in a cave for the last year, but only recently have I realised that I can quite happily waste hours on it, scouring the world for places of beauty. After all, the World is a beautiful place. It's massive too.

Obviously, the first place to look for is your own house. Could that be Beverley parked over the road?

Second stop - Bedminster. This shot features our local haunt the Baccy Factory, plus the mighty Ashton Gate, Only Fools and Horses' Nelson Mandela House, and Greville Smyth Park where Jonny once got knocked unconscious when he got elbowed in the back of the head playing for Hope FC, in a vicious cup game a couple of years ago.

Having checked out the local hood it's all too tempting to scour the world for famous landmarks...

Not sure why anyone would want to go here, mind you...

Inevitably the temptation to find some places you've been on holiday will then hit you.

Dahab, Egypt:

Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam:

Frankfurt Am Main, Germany:

Savanakhet, Cambodia:

Bangkok, Thailand (Yes, it's the Khao San Road)

Dubai, UAE: (Admittedly, I never left the airport)

Next on the list are the politically sensitive areas.

Pyongyang, North Korea:

The border of the West Bank, Israel: (I was looking for the wall for some time, to no avail)

Huge Palace in Baghdad, Iraq:

Personally, the thing I enjoy the most is seeing the huge contrast between different parts of the World. For example, Hollywood and Mumbai:

Avonmouth and Antigua!

So anyway, that's what I've been doing recently. Good riddens poker.

Anyone for an Ice Cream?

2006-10-19T18:48:00.000Z

I've just had one of those strange experiences that could probably only happen in Bedminster, or maybe Royston Vasey.

I had returned home from work via a quick stop at Lidl, and just as I had dumped the first couple of shopping bags in the house, I heard the distinctive song of an ice-cream van coming from outside. Over the last couple of weeks this has become a familiar sound on the streets of Bedminster, so perhaps it shouldn't be considered unusual other than the fact that it was absolutely pissing it down with rain.

For some reason I considered it to be so odd for an ice-cream van to be out in a thunderstorm that I decided to get my phone out and film it as it passed my house. As I followed the van down the road I suddenly noticed that the neighbour's youngest of three kids was standing outside her house and looking right at me. For some reason I panicked, as if I had been caught doing something naughty, and instantly moved my camera away. You can almost get the sense of me hanging my head in shame...

My first instinct was to shut the door of my house and hide away until the coast was clear, but then I realised that I had left the boot of my car open and my groceries would be starting to get pretty wet, so I carried on as if nothing had happened and returned to my car. This involved walking between the now stationary ice-cream van and the neighbour's barking dog, prompting the girl to shout "Shu' -uup!" at the dog as she was buying her ice-cream.

I gathered my remaining groceries and shut my boot, and just as I turned round I noticed that the local nutter was wondering down the road towards us in a lovely floral summer-dress. I can say that she is the local nutter with some confidence, as I recognise her from my days at barrow hospital.

"Are you buying an ice-cream in this weather?" She enquired.

"You're buying an ice-cream! In this weather?"

The neighbours kid, understandably, ignored her. The local nutter looked in my direction.

"She's buying an ice-cream in this weather!"

"Yes, and you're wondering down the road wearing a summer dress in the pissing rain, just to comment on it." I thought.

The dog barked.

I returned to the relative sanity of my house and emptied the shopping bags, just praying that the kid next door told her parents about the nutty woman from up the road, and forgot to mention the fact that the bloke next-door was filming her on his mobile phone.

The Weather

2006-10-13T18:31:00.000Z

There's no denying it any longer - it's getting cold.

Today was a stunning day, as you can see, but just a bit too chilly to feel comfortable in a T-shirt. So that's it then until next April (unless you happen to live in Sydney or are going to visit at Christmas - grr).

So anyway, I've obviously not been up to much this week so I thought I'd just post some nice piccies, all taken from my back garden in the last couple of weeks.

Sunsets...

And Sky...

Breakout Rocked Again...

2006-10-07T00:20:00.000Z

...Although, it was quiet compared to our last event.

It was always going to be though, after all there's a big difference between a Bank Holiday Saturday and a Thursday night, especially as most of the students that live near the venue won't be back until next week. Our theory that the venue would be full of Bristol Uni freshers did not come to fruition. It seems that all of the venues in the centre of Brissle had the same idea, and obviously, the students went there.

Still, the night itself was quality, even if I say so myself. My confidence that we are putting on an original, entertaining night is growing stronger with each event, and we got loads of great feedback from the twenty odd people that were there, all of whom were jumping around on the dance floor by the end of the night.

Representing, we had:

King Kong vs. Hornblower

Olly_hands

Original Breakout members, Tom & Will (H2O and Wilbur back from their 2003 glory days!)

King Kong drops Jonny's favourite d'n'b tune; the Marky & XRS Classic, LK. (It's there behind the trumpet and conga's, honest. My mic seemed to pick them up more than the music)

One more video for you: Benny Page's "Turn down the lights" gets people's feet moving.

Finally, Jon 'hornblower' Winder proves that not only can he play the trumpet, but he knows how to dance to drum'n'bass too...

So, despite being half empty it was a fun night. I guess we're still in the very early stages of building up a reputation and getting our name recognised, but we'll keep plugging away.

Plus, here's an advanced warning for you. Eagled-eyed readers may have noticed next month's posters in some of the pics. We've already secured a quality line-up and we've got a full six weeks to promote it so we're hoping for a better turnout. It also gives people plenty of time to sort out getting the Friday off work ;)

It's basically the same again (why change a good thing?), but we also have locally renowned DJ James Small coming along to play an eclectic breakbeat set, a second bongo player, but the thing that I'm looking forward to the most is the live double-bass player who's coming to join in the fun...

The Black Swan

2006-10-01T23:34:00.000Z

Just in case anyone was wondering how Bev & I got on at Easton's Black Swan on Saturday night, it was a bit of a disaster. Having been told that we would be playing from 10-11:30, we actually ended up playing from 10:45 to 11:15, our set cut short by a combination of dodgy sound system and gabba.

Yes it seems that even though a dodgy mixer set us back 45 minutes, the promoter insisted that he had to "get some gabba going" at 11:15, and that we could have a proper slot later in the night. Actually, it was even worse than gabba, if that's possible. It was described to me as "fast gabba or breakcore". This was one of the more chilled moments:

We decided not to wait around for another slot, in fact I could only bear it for the time it took me to gulp a pint of guinness, which tasted more like cider. The taxi's set me back £20. Lovely.

I suppose I can learn from these experiences. I'm not sure what, exactly.

Anyway, on to brighter things. Only two days to go...

Breakout's Back Again

2006-09-28T17:55:00.000Z

Without a doubt, the most annoying thing about putting on a night is the fact that you have to promote it. I just want to be able to spin some tunes in front of a packed room full of dancing, cheering, adoring half-naked women without any effort. Is that so much to ask?

Of course, the most important promotion for any night is word of mouth, especially that which comes off the back of a successful night. We're going to be relying on that heavily for next Thursday's event, mainly because I know full well that a large section of our crowd don't go out, or can't be here on a school-night. Still, it's freshers' week at Bristol Uni so we're hoping for an influx of fresh meat to bump up the crowd.

Meanwhile, Bevan & I (as Left Hand Skratch) have a gig on Saturday at the Black Swan. It's the opening slot, 10-11.30, warming up for a gabba techno night. We'll be leaving at 11:31.

Did I say "Half-naked women"?

Anyway, it's not the word-of-mouth side of promotion that's getting my goat. After all, with the wonders of modern technology I can text, blog and email from the comfort of my rocking chair.

No. It's the fact that I have to waste four or five of my evenings in the fortnight before the event driving around the back streets of Bristol sticking up posters which will probably only be glanced at by 2% of the passers by before they're ripped down by some vigilante old gimmer with a comb over and a rusted old bicycle who thinks they're "bringing down the image of the neighbourhood".

Maybe he's got a point.

The End of Online Poker

2006-09-20T15:49:00.000Z

Well, it is for me anyway.

After 15 months of winning more and more money and thinking it would never end, my fortune took a turn for the worse back in June, and since then I have managed to lose all of my winnings.

Having said that, I'm still a winner! I should explain...

It all started in March 2005 when Jonny came back from a trip to Las Vegas and introduced me to the fad of online poker. Being a sensible fellow, I decided I wouldn't ever put any real money in, but I did enjoy learning the game on the 'play money' tables.

Within a couple of weeks I had turned 1000 valueless chips into 60000, and it occurred to me that maybe I should just stick £10 on to see if I could do the same with real money. Again, being Mr Sensible, I set myself two very strict rules:

1) I would play on the very low stake tables, and never allow myself to up the stakes, under any circumstances.

2) If I lost that money, I would never put any more on, under any circumstances.

For the first couple of months, I came close to losing that money on a few occasions, but always managed to claw it back. Gradually I realised that I needed to be more patient and give up on more hands, and it was then that the bank balance started rising.

By the end of my first full year on the poker tables, I had turned $19.23 into $922.

However, in doing so, I had broken my first rule. You see once I had a few hundred dollars in the bank I gradually upped the stakes, and by the end of the year I was playing on three tables at once: one 50c/$1 limit table, and two no-limit tables, each with a buy-in of $25.

At this point I cashed out $700 to take with me to Egypt at Easter. Had I not done so I wouldn't have been able to afford the two extra day-dives and night-dive, so you could say that if it weren't for poker, I would still never have seen a turtle, stingray or octopus!

Anyway, when I got back from Egypt I turned that remaining $222 dollars into about $450 before the start of the decline.

All of a sudden, I kept losing. In the space of four weeks, that $450 had fallen to $70. I then had another four weeks of ups and downs, and at one point I'd managed to recover to my post-Egypt total of $220 odd dollars, but then I lost over $100 in a single session one night (including $45 on one hand), and before I knew it I was down to below $20.

At this point, I remembered my broken first rule and considered that my greed had been my downfall, but rather than returning to the penny tables I decided to keep going for it on no-limit, in the hope of winning back some big pots. Eventually I went out with the following hand:

My A 10 straight was the best possible hand after the turn (i.e., the fourth community card), so I went all-in and was laughing when someone called me, only for him to beat me on the 'river' by hitting a full-house.

Gutted.

Still, I will always remember the satisfaction that is gained from flopping the nuts...

The nuts in this instance, being an ace high flush. Unfortunately, he folded. Notice the 10 J of spades on the other table?

That went on to give me my fourth royal flush - the best hand in poker. I think that's pretty good going in 18 months. I once hit it on the flop, which is apparently a 1 in 650,000 chance. Anyway again, he folded so I didn't win much with it, and I think I ended up about $20 down on that session (it was one of my last).

I still don't really understand how I managed to win money consistently for fifteen months, and then lose pretty much constantly for the last two or three. I can only think that it was for one these reasons:

1) I was incredibly lucky for fifteen months
2) I was very unlucky for the last two or three months
3) Everyone else started getting better at poker

Actually, I think it might have been a little bit of all three. Perhaps I should consider myself fortunate that I caught onto the poker thing early, and managed to win a lot of money from people who were just discovering the fad and still learning how to play. It seems that all the people who were rubbish have finally given up on it, and only the good players are left. For this reason, I am actually going to keep to my second rule, and never put any real money on again.

Still, the whole experience has left me $680.77 better off, and even though it's gutting that I lost $450 at the end, I will always be up on the deal.

It does, however, mean that I am currently between addictions. Any suggestions?

Fly Porn

2006-09-14T23:06:00.000Z

What's going on 'ere then?

Only in the Bristol Churches League...

2006-09-09T16:47:00.000Z

My fifth season with Hope FC rolled into it's second week this-morning. It was our first home game, and a new venue. We now play our home games at Knowle West's infamous Filwood playing fields. Jonny and Mike might remember the grotty changing rooms, which have been burnt out by the locals on numerous occasions. They've now built a new block next door, which looks lovely except that all the windows are boarded up. Apparently, the locals smashed them in within two days of it's opening.

Anyway, I know I said I wouldn't write much about football on here, but this-morning's farce shouldn't take long to cover. The game lasted twenty minutes, until our striker James Taylor slid in on their keeper as he tried to clear the ball. There really didn't seem to be much contact, but their keeper was left writhing in agony on the floor.

We waited about half an hour for an ambulance to arrive, and while we waited some of the opposition started throwing tantrums. They reckoned that the ref, who wasn't qualified (in fact, it was Paul Owen's brother, Terry) had missed a lot of fouls earlier in the game, and that they "didn't feel safe" to carry on. Chew kindly volunteered to swap with Terry and take over as ref, which seemed to pacify them for a while until they realised that their only substitute was going to have to go in goal. Well, lets just say it was somehow obvious that he wouldn't be able to save a thing.

All of a sudden, their centre-back, who had prescription sports glasses strapped around his head, suggested that in fact, he still "didn't feel safe" after all.

The future of the game was balanced on a knife-edge, and patient diplomacy was crucial. James decided to make a suggestion...

"Well, if glasses boy doesn't want to play, maybe he should fuck off and you can carry on with ten."

And that was that. Game over.

Apparently, we can't even claim the 3-0 walkover from the league rules (when the opposition doesn't turn up or refuses to play), because it also states in the league rules that the home team must provide a qualified referee. Bugger.

I look forward to the rematch already.

Anyway, that's not the real reason I decided to write another football related blog. No, the real reason is that we finally had last season's 'player of the year' awards this-morning. Jonny won the award during his first two seasons with hope, and probably would have won it in his third spell too, if he hadn't gone and fractured his skull half way through the season.

Third place for the 2005/6 season went to John Bartley, who was the top goal scorer despite being a centre-back.

Second place went to Neil Watkins, who couldn't be there this-morning as him and Kath were finally taking baby Ben home. Fair excuse, I suppose.

First place? Well, I'm sure you've guessed (hence the real reason for the blog), it was me!

To say I was shocked is an understatement. I was convinced that last year's winner Chris was going to take it. After all, I can't head the ball to save my life and I'm crap at tackling too.

So, I now get the pleasure of sticking this not even slightly tacky, solid gold-painted plastic trophy on my fireplace for the next ten months or so. Obviously, one of the first things I did was to check the inscriptions of previous year's winners to see J. Arman's name. I'm very sorry to report that it was nowhere to be found. Manager Nick assured me that it was still on there, and came over to show me. He looked very surprised when he couldn't find it, in fact he checked each edge of the trophy at least three times, and then ran over to his bag to check whether it had fallen off.

For now, it seems to be missing, but the legend will not be forgotten. Hopefully, it will turn up.

Good Lucks and Congratulations

2006-09-03T12:52:00.000Z

Blimey. Three blogs in four days. I'm even outblogging Jonny. Don't worry, it won't last. I just wanted to say a few good lucks and congratulations.

Firstly, good luck to Em, who moved to London over the weekend to start a course in speech and language therapy. On Thursday, we went for a lovely meal at our old favourite haunt, the Beijing Bistro, to say our goodbyes.

Chris was suffering with Man-flu.

Ben was suffering with a bloated stomach.

I was suffering with long-neck syndrome

Chew was suffering with 'slightly-out-of-focus-miserable-face' syndrome.

Jess and Em were suffering from being out with four whinging men, but seemed to cope very well...

Good luck Em, and see you at the weekends!

Secondly, I wanted to wish Ella good luck for the upcoming finale to her masters out in Singapore. Apparently for her final piece, she is going to be taking her course-mates and examiners (who have flown all the way from the UK), to a nearly deserted island off the coast of Singapore, where she will be burning a wooden sculpture draped in theatre curtains. I really shouldn't try and explain it actually, as I'm sure I can't do any justice to the amount of thought and preparation that has clearly gone into it. My only input was to give her a copy of 'The Wicker Man' (obviously, the original British horror from the 70's and not the yank remake with Nicholas Cage, which will surely be a travesty). This prompted Ella to the idea of including a sacrifice as part of her presentation. Apparently, there was only one obvious choice.

Thirdly, congratulations to Richard, who competed in triathlon's World age-group championships in Switzerland yesterday. Rich managed to come 63rd out of the 120 odd competitors, which considering it's his first ever international triathlon is quite some achievement (especially as he was a dirty smoking bloater just a couple of years ago). Well done you.

Last but by no means least, Congratulations to Neil and Cath on the birth of their little boy, Ben. Neil was clearly well prepared for fatherhood...

As I'm sure people are aware, poor Ben was born with a dickie ticker, but it sounds like he's going to make a full recovery from his operation and should be home with Neil and Cath very soon. So, perhaps I should also offer them the best of luck for that day when all the full joys of parenthood begin. Good luck!

Token football blog

2006-09-02T18:19:00.000Z

It's been quite a week for Bristol City fans, and I simply can't avoid mentioning it.

Firstly, on Tuesday night we beat Northampton 3-1 away, despite one of our defenders getting sent off in the first half for head-butting another one of our defenders.

Then on Thursday's transfer deadline, we sold our Welsh international youngster Dave Cotteril to premiership Wigan for £2,000,000. Yes, Two million pounds. No doubt this outrageous fee was influenced by his best ever performance in a City shirt just a couple of days earlier against Northampton, in a game that was shown live on sky. Normally, he's pretty rubbish, and I reckon our chairman was laughing all the way to the bank.

The very next day, two of our first team players were jailed for a month after getting involved in a brawl with the bouncers at Romeo Brown's nightclub on Corn Street. Not exactly the best news in the build-up to the big game against Brighton that took place this afternoon, especially as one of them was our star striker, Steve Brooker.

Before I get to the Brighton game, I must also mention my team Hope FC's first game of the season, which took place this-morning at Bath uni against bitter rivals FC Santos (who always seem to beat us by the odd goal). Two minutes before kick-off, our manager Nick approached me and told me that I was going to be captain. While I was honoured I was also somewhat unnerved, as I didn't see it coming at all, and didn't really know what I was supposed to do. Did this mean I had extra responsibilities?

Perhaps I was put off by the sound of the ref's whistle in the background, but for some reason I quite pathetically asked "What does that mean?" and was told by both Nick and Chewy simultaneously "It means you've got to lead by example." Our Yorkshire keeper Neil Wright then chipped in: "It also means you've got to go and call heads or tails" and he pointed towards the centre circle where the ref and the opposing captain had been waiting patiently.

I won the toss, and then realised that I had to make a decision. I had no idea what to do. I turned to my team for help but they were still grouped together discussing tactics, so I panicked and said "Oh you might as well kick-off, we'll go that way", and pointed to the direction that we were already facing. Really this was my only responsibility, and I fucked it.

As for my other responsibility of "leading by example"? Well, that didn't go entirely to plan either. I got booked. For the first time ever. For dissent!

In my defence, it was the fourth time during the game that the ref, who looked and sounded like Andy from Little Britain and seemed to have sugar on the end of his whistle, had made the wrong decision about a throw-in. The linesman and the opposing player had both said it was our ball, and despite this the ref still thought he knew best and gave the throw against us. I spit the proverbial dummy and lobbed all the toys from my pram at the same time.

I carried on shouting at him while he was pulling his book out of his pocket, and didn't even stop when he was writing down my name. I actually thought my argument was quite convincing, and for a moment I though he was going to change his mind, much like Andy from Little Britain would. But he didn't. I now have the thrill of waiting for an FA fine to arrive in the post. How much is it again, Jonny?

By the way, we lost 2-1. Typical.

Right. So, it's finally time for my moment of glory. I've waited for this moment for 5 years, ever since H came back from Australia with a Brighton fan. Ironically, Jonny claimed to have become a City fan during those five years, and yet describes his favourite moments of watching City throughout that time as the games when Brighton beat them. Even though they were generally very jammy.

Anyway that's all history now. Here we go. My moment has come:

WE BEAT THE

BRIGHTON 1-0!!

Ahh, I enjoyed that.

We Don't Like Cricket...Oh No (ratatat tat) - We Love it!

2006-08-31T10:55:00.000Z

On Bank Holiday Monday, the Wookster and I went to watch the Cricket in Bristol - a 20 over match between England and Pakistan. After a week of uncertainty about whether the fixture would go ahead, we were relieved to hear confirmation on the Friday before the game, and even more relieved that the weather came good just in time.

For Chewy, it was his first ever cricket game, and a warm-up to the two Ashes test matches he has tickets for in Australia at Christmas. For me, it was the first time I had been to watch cricket since childhood, and my first international. For both of us, it was the perfect excuse to drink far too much beer and sit in the sun.

We arrived soon after noon, and quickly realised that the game didn't start until three.

After watching the players come to the field and warming up, we decided to do a lap of the ground to see what was going on. Oh, and to buy another rack of four...

There was a lovely view from the other side of the ground...

We made it about three-quarters of the way round when we reached the pavilion, only to find that the route was fenced off for the players to leave the field. I managed to get this snap of Marcus Trescothic. As I'm sure everyone knows, Mike Roberts once got him out.

We took the long route back to our seats and returned just in time to see Shoaib Akhtar bowling the opening over.

Initially I was disappointed to be sitting square of the wicket, as it's impossible to see what line the bowlers are bowling. However, you can really appreciate just how fast that ball travels. The whole crowd seemed to gasp as his opening ball flew past Trescothic into Kamran Akmal's gloves.

The biggest early cheer came when 'boom boom' Afridi dropped a simple catch just in front of us on the square leg boundary. The second biggest early cheer came one minute later when they showed the slow motion replay of the incident on the big screen. This cheer quickly turned to laughter and mockery when the screen cut away from the replay to show Afridi looking sheepishly up at the screen at his woeful effort (and then quickly looking away when he realised). How we laughed.

Trescothic (who Mike once got out, by the way) also gave the crowd something to cheer about with a number of fours on his way to a half-century...

However, it was the Pakistan fans who spent most of the innings cheering, especially when we lost three key wickets in the space of two overs, for just one run, including a Kevin Pietersen golden duck. In the end we reached a meagre 144 from our twenty overs.

So, after a pit stop for chips, toilets, and another rack of four from the bar it was time to see Pakistan's reply.

Again, there were some moments of cheer for the England fans, not least when newcomer Michael Yardy took a stunning catch over his head while diving backwards on the long-on boundary...

Also, another newcomer and youngster Stuart Broad took two wickets from two balls in his second over. 'Boom boom' Afridi, so called because of his ability to 'boom' the ball all around the ground, came to the crease for Broad's hat-trick ball. Amazingly, Afridi lived up to his name and decided to try and hit the hat-trick ball for six back over the bowler's head. There was a huge cheer as the ball hung in the air, seeming to defy the laws of gravity. It clearly wasn't going to reach the boundary. Unfortunately the English fielders didn't reach the ball either and it landed safe. Afridi went on to score 28 from ten balls, which ultimately won Pakistan the match and more than made up for his dropped catch earlier in the day. In fact, he even won man of the match.

So, we lost...with more than two overs and five wickets to spare.

Part of me was pretty gutted to have spent nearly £40 on a ticket and watched such a poor England performance. Especially with Pietersen, surely our most entertaining batter, going for a golden duck. However, it was still a very enjoyable afternoon, with a lovely atmosphere, a little bit of sun, and quite a lot of beer...

Breakout Rocked!

2006-08-27T22:42:00.000Z

Next time, I'm going to take a fan.

Breakout Returns to the Croft

2006-08-21T19:30:00.000Z

Firstly, apologies to those of you who have already received a text message and two emails from me about this night, especially as the second email, entitled "And here's the poster" was completely blank. I blame googlemail's unique email attachment system, which interestingly informs you that your attachment is ready, and then fails to actually send it with the email. Instead it left me feeling rather foolish, especially as I had ruthlessly sent it to just about all of the addresses from H's "I've updated my blog" emails (which seemed to include everyone in the south of England, and their Mum). I didn't have the guts to try it again.

Hopefully the night itself will go more smoothly.

I'm actually really looking forward to this one. I popped into the Croft earlier for the first time since our last night there nearly three years ago, and it's very different. For a start, they've got rid of the pool table to create a mini dance-floor in the front bar, and they've put a DJ booth by the windows, which is where we'll be playing (unless it gets really rammed and we move into the back room). Swanky sofas have replaced the tables and chairs, and there's a cosy atmosphere.

This one should be a lot more chilled than the Fez Club night a couple of months ago. Bevan and I are going to kick things off with an eclectic mix of reggae and chill before Stig plays a hip-hop set. Guest DJ King Kong will hit the decks at midnight mixing up intelligent and liquid drum'n'bass, and accompanied by my mate John "the hornblower" on his trumpet with effects. It might sound a bit odd but it's certainly original, and it's been going down a storm at Cosies by all accounts. From then on it will most likely be drum'n'bass all the way with Wilbur building things up for Bevan and I to unleash our 4-channel scratch-happy mash-up mix. It could get messy.

Do come!

Mr Freakes' 30th Birthday Bash Piccies

2006-08-16T00:45:00.000Z

The Afternoon at Mark & Wendy's:

The Party Warming Up:

The 80's Sing-a-long:

Sam Being Annoying:

The Journey back to Mark & Wendy's:

The Aftermath:

Birthday Boy Falling off Chair:

I Have No Idea:

Sam Looking Like an Old Man:

Happy Birthday Mr Freakes and thanks again for a great night.

Bristol Balloon Fiesta Nightglow

2006-08-11T12:03:00.000Z

Apart from the fact that we seemed to be sitting behind a member of the KKK, this year's nightglow was very much the same as it is every year.

They had replaced James Blunt's "You're beautiful" with Gnarles Barkley's "Crazy", but apart from that I think the backing tape was exactly the same as last year's.

The low moon added to the glow.

Jonny's favourite balloon made an appearance, although slightly hidden by a tree.

Yet again the balloons flickered completely randomly for half an hour or so, with no apparent synchronicity to the music that was being played.

If I'm honest though, I never bore of it. It's spectacular stuff, despite the apparent lack of co-ordination. Em and Chris were there for the first time, and seemed to be suitably impressed.

As the music came to an end, the balloons quickly deflated (apart from one - the main sponsor), and the fireworks began.

Traditionally, Jonny would always ensure that we got to 'the hill' by about 5pm, giving us a five-hour wait but ensuring a prime spot. This year, the three of us arrived at about 9.30pm just as the balloons were being inflated, and managed to sit in exactly the same place.

We did however follow the other tradition of waiting around on the hill for the crowds to disperse before making our way home.

We were literally just standing up to leave when a request came over the tannoy for all cabin crews to return their headsets. My work here was done.

10 things you've missed from the U.K.

2006-08-07T19:00:00.000Z

Just in case any of our overseas friends are missing the UK, I have compiled a list of ten things that they will have missed out on this year, by being away. The idea of this blog was to help ease any feelings of homesickness they might have, by:

a) letting them know what they've missed, and

b) helping them to realise that they really haven't missed much at all.

In fact, at first it was a real struggle to think of ten things worth mentioning, but I got there in the end. Obviously this list is by no means definitive, for example I could have mentioned the end of "Top of the Pops", or even our English players' dismal failures at Wimbledon this year, but then I think you would have taken that one for granted.

So, in no particular order...

1. Brunel's 200th birthday

I actually missed this as well as I was in Germany, but there was a big Bristol City Council style party on the fields near Cumberland Basin, when they unveiled the new Clifton Suspension Bridge lights with a fireworks display. I'm quite gutted I missed it, as it looks pretty spectacular. The lights are still on for the time being, and look lovely from the turning of Aubrey Road onto Chessel Street on my way to the offy.

2. Prescott's affair and the fall of the Labour Party

Yes, as shocking as it may seem, John 'two Jags' Prescott had an affair with his secretary. In fact, he might have had two, allegedly, and commenters have now labelled the current Labour party as "more sleazy" than John Major's Conservative era in the early 90's. On top of that, the media are making a mockery of Tony Blair's leadership, and his mistake of announcing that he will stand down before the next election, by constantly asking him when it's going to happen.

Blair himself is also getting a lot of stick at the moment for refusing to say the magic words "immediate ceasefire" to Israel. Apparently he wants to wait until there are grounds for a lasting peace in the Middle East before making that request. Meanwhile, Syria have now said they are ready for war. It seems that we may be waiting for some time.

Anyway, enough of the politics. Don't know what came over me. Moving on to more serious matters...

3. Big Brother

Big brother seven is well underway, and I must confess that after holding off for a good few weeks, I am now hopelessly addicted, yet again. I'm really not sure why, as out of all of these losers Glyn and Pete are the only ones that make me laugh, and it's not like either of them are comedians.

Glyn is funny because he's a young naive lad from the valleys, who sounds like a Welsh Forest Gump. He had a great moment last week while drunk and slumped over the diary room chair, when he held his finger up behind him towards the camera, and said "Oo pull my finger". He then farted, and laughed. Great TV.

Brighton boy Pete is funny because of his tourettes syndrome. You can guarantee that he'll shout "Wank!" at the top of his voice, just after Davina has finished saying "You are live on channel 4 - please do not swear." He really needs to be seen to understand just how funny he is, so check out some legendary Pete from earlier in the series, when he discusses some of the other (now evicted) housemates, including Leah who claims to have the biggest breasts in England.

4. Everyone moaning about the cold in March/April

Well, it was fucking freezing.

5. Everyone moaning about the heat in June/July

Yet again the nation is crumbling under a prolonged spell of hot weather. The railway lines are starting to warp out of shape, and fights have broken out in department stores for the last fans as they sell out nationwide, again. Also, the gritters have been out in July, not because there was ice, but because the tarmac was starting to melt.

Why is it that other countries can manage in hot or cold climates, but we can't cope with either, even though we get both extremes?

6. England flags

This year's show of patriotism during the World Cup was bigger than ever before. I even saw a house in Bishopsworth painted with a huge St. George's Cross. In July, car flags were the new litter, lining the hard shoulders of motorways up and down the nation.

7. The Honda advert

Honda cashed in on the World Cup fever with a tongue in cheek version of their "Power of Dreams" advert, where some dude sings a song while travelling on increasingly powerful modes of transport. The original advert was great on it's own, especially the climactic scene which features the stunning Iguacu falls (written about by both J and H). This version is the same, except that the aforementioned St. George's Cross World Cup flags are everywhere.

8. Probably the best World Cup advert

While I'm on the subject of adverts, I have to mention the Carlsberg advert. It got my vote for being the best of all the World Cup adverts (and of course, there were many)

9. BBC Sport Relief

You don't need me to tell you that this was terrible stuff. Hosted by a pregnant Davina and a drunk Chris Moyles, it featured sportsmen trying to be funny and comedians trying to play sports. The highlight was Ray Stubbs getting pummelled with thousands of bouncy balls in a re-enactment of the Sony Bravia advert. Apparently, for that advert they really did drop 170,000 bouncy balls down the hills of San Francisco. Shame it looks like they're super-imposed.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find any footage of Ray Stubbs' pummelling, but I did come across this brilliant English parody. Could that be Beverley parked at the bottom of the hill?

10. Eurovision Song Contest

Finally, this years Eurovision was undoubtedly the best ever. It was pretty much the same as it is every year: an overproduced, badly presented pile of tosh being mocked by an increasingly tipsy Terry Wogan. The U.K.'s pathetic effort did nothing to upset that balance, and just as I was beginning to wonder why on Earth I was watching it, up stepped the Finnish entry...

Lordi were revolutionary. Their song, Rock & Roll Hallelujah, is a piece of Genius.

With lyrics like:

"The walls come down like thunder,
The rocks about to roll,
It's The Arockalypse,
Now bare your soul."

Or my favourite, from the pre-chorus:

"All we need is lightning,
With power and might,
Striking down the prophets of false."

Chew, Ali and myself loved it. Amazingly, the rest of Europe agreed, and Finland romped it.

The three of us cranked up the stereo surround and sang along at the tops of our voices for the repeat of their triumphant performance...

Hard, Rock, Hallelujah!

A Bedminster sunset

2006-08-03T01:39:00.000Z

Beat that, Sydney!

Bristol Boat Regatta

2006-07-30T01:54:00.000Z

On Friday night, Bevan and I wondered into Town to check out the festivities at Bristol's annual Boat Regatta.

We headed over to the Lloyds Bank Amphitheatre, where DJ Derek was spinning some tunes...

For those who don't know, DJ Derek is a white 65-year-old reggae (and alcohol) lover with a Jamaican accent, and has been the all-night resident at St Pauls' Star & Garter pub for as long as I can remember. He was very entertaining, not only with his drunken gesticulations during the various Bob Marley tunes that he played, but he also told a little story between each of the tracks. It was a fresh new approach to DJing, but everyone seemed to be loving him.

Bristol was looking particularly picturesque...

As this old boat moored next to us, I couldn't believe my star-struck eyes when I looked on board to notice this gentleman...

Yes, It's none other than HTV West's Bob Crampton.

My night was complete.

Bristol Community Festival Piccies

2006-07-24T13:43:00.000Z

The weekend started like so many Ashton Court weekends before it - with a long trek up the never-ending hill.

Thankfully Bevan & Rosie's mission to push Josh was the perfect excuse for us to have many stops along the way, for some essential cooling down.

The Saturday afternoon was more of a family orientated affair this year.

Not only did we have Josh...

But Naomi also brought Josephine along for a couple of hours.

It was great to see Naomi for the first time since her wedding over two years ago. Somehow she managed to avoid my camera though. She basically looks like an adult version of Josephine (but with a full row of teeth).

Of course, apart from the price, the festival was exactly the same this year as it is every year.

With the usual queues for the portaloos

And people everywhere

As the afternoon rolled on some more familiar faces arrived. Benny only managed to stay for a couple of hours though as he had a housewarming party to go to, and Chew also headed off in the late afternoon for his school leaving do. Why do people arrange things for Ashton Court weekend?

Anyway, just for a while, we almost had a group going.

When Kim arrived, I mentioned Jonny's request for us to build a shrine to his and H's memory. As you can see, we went to a lot of thought and effort...

All of a sudden it was dusk.

We watched Blowpop vs. the Beat Monkeys on the WKD stage, which turned out to be breaks vs. rock. The highlight was Rage Against the Machine's "Killing in the name of" followed by the Timo Maas remix of Azzido de Bass' "Doomsnight", which went down a treat.

Ultimately though, the combination of music was very odd, so we made our way over to the amphitheatre stage to see Dreadzone. Unfortunately they were also rubbish, although they did play 'Little Britain' for their encore, which has no relation to the hit TV series, but is used as the theme tune for the Nationwide League highlights on ITV. What a way to finish the Saturday!

Sunday brought more clear blue skies, and on the journey to the site Bedminster was looking as stunning as ever (it's over there between the field and the sky, honest).

I met up with Bevan, Rosie and Josh at the summit of the hill, who after yesterday's nightmare journey had sensibly taken the bus all the way to the gate. Sunday was typically altogether more relaxing, and I spent the day lying around in the sun and nursing my hangover with a bottle of wine.

We briefly wondered over to the performance stage...

And then spent the afternoon at the main stage, listening to a mixture of dodgy ska and rock.

Unfortunately, no-one else made it up there on the Sunday, so I made the journey home with B, R & J as the sun began to set.

As I wondered down the hill, I contemplated that it had been a cracking weekend, but that so many people were noted by their absence. Jonny & H, Em & Chris, Sam & Moe, Mark & Wendy, Mike & Ella, Richard, Ali, Will, basically all of the usual regulars were definitely missed.

I think this was the first Ashton Court since my debut 13 years ago that I had not been with a big group, and it did feel different. It was still a really enjoyable weekend, but there's just something about being in a group that makes it even better...

Richard the GB Triathlete

2006-07-19T10:00:00.000Z

I'm sure Richard won't mind me saying that 18 months ago, he was nothing more than a dirty fat smoking bloater. In a remarkable turnaround, Richard swapped his addiction to nicotine with an addiction to exercise. In a matter of weeks he had shed his excess pounds and regained his trim pre-university physique.

Within a year he was competing in triathlons, which as I'm sure you know, involve swimming...

cycling...

and running...

Recently, Rich had a shocker in a triathlon that could have lead to his call-up to the GB team, where he attached his cycling shoes onto his bike pedals the wrong way round, and then in an attempt to make up the time on the bike section, he cycled the wrong way - twice. Despite these momentous cock-ups he still managed to secure his spot as first reserve for the team.

Thankfully, it seems as though someone may have been injured, or something, so yesterday Rich got the call-up to represent Great Britain at the World Age Group Championships for Triathlon in Lausanne, Switzerland at the end of August.

So, fat bloater to Great Britain athlete in eighteen months. Not bad going, perhaps there's hope for us all. If anyone wants to hear more about how he did it, check out Richard's blog! He did emphasise that it's really for his family to update them on his progress, but it's definitely worth a look. He agrees though, that really he should have called it 'lycra heaven'.

Anyway, congratulations mate!

Pegs™ 2006 (Warning: Epic)

2006-07-13T23:18:00.000Z

The second season of Pegs™ is well underway. Set in the beautiful surroundings of Bedminster, specifically the sun trap (and giant cat litter) that is my back yard, Pegs™ is slowly developing into a masterpiece. A game to rival any that stands before it, with an excellent chance of reaching Olympic status by 2012.

In the name of progress, the game has been adapted for 2006. Anyone who was involved in or witnessed any of the thrilling encounters from the summer of 2005 will remember the table that balanced on my hammock to act as a 'backstop', and the washing basket that offered a relatively simple one-point target. These have been scrapped for the new season, mainly because my hammock split into two the first time I tried to use it after the winter, and the washing basket had cultivated a variety of interesting life forms. I guess you could now call it our pond, albeit a very shallow one.

Anyone who has never heard of the game before are probably wondering what on Earth I'm talking about, or more likely have stopped reading. Perhaps I should explain the rules...

Basically, two or more players sit behind the line and take it in turns to throw first pegs, and then corks at a variety of targets, which are seven or eight yards away at the bottom of the garden. Currently, we simply take it in turns and ensure that we throw an equal number, but obviously by the time Pegs™ reaches Olympic status this will be standardised, and pegs and corks will be coloured with the nation's flag.

This is the action area. A direct hit into the green bin is worth three points, and the terracotta pot is worth two. If a player's peg or cork balances in the basket that hangs over that pot it is worth four points, however if it gets knocked into the pot at any point in the future then that player will drop two points (four points for the basket becomes two points for the pot, you see). In the same way, if it gets knocked out of the basket and into the cat litter, that player loses all four points.

Any peg or cork that lands on the chair and stays there picks up a single point, which of course also gets deducted from the player's total if it is later knocked onto the cat litter.

New for 2006 is an ingenious ten point option, which generally comes into play in the later stages. The pole that hangs from our washing line is balanced on the edge of the chair. If a player can knock it off with a direct hit they earn ten points. Rebounds do not count, and if the pole slides off the back as a result of a player hitting the chair with a powerful attempt, then that player has to get up and replace the pole (and also earns nothing). If a player hits the pole directly but it stays in place on the chair, then they only earn five points.

Also new for 2006 is a penalty rule. A player will lose three points if their peg or cork is irretrievable. This can happen when ten point attempts fly over the fence into the bush, or occasionally corks or pegs find their way into the small gap that hangs between the fence and the wall. Many pegs have been lost to the peg graveyard. Generally, losing three points for an out of bounds shot is harsh, so we have added another rule: If that player can hit the chair directly with their next shot (and only their next shot) they will recover those three points.

Finally, games are best of three sets, or 'pegs' as we confusingly call them, and obviously, the winner can put their feet up while the loser collects. This can be a dangerous task, particularly in bare feet...

The new season is still young but already there have been many epic encounters. The four-player international game with Mike and Dan was legendary, and had more turnarounds than Swindon's magic roundabout. However, below I will briefly describe the events of another thrilling battle between Chewy and myself. I just hope I can accurately portray the tension and excitement that mark all good Pegs™ encounters. I'm sure you can see it in Chew's eyes...

It took place yesterday in the late afternoon, and bar the occasional mild wind conditions were perfect.

I took the first peg 42-39 in a game that was close all the way. I eventually won it with my final cork when I fluked a 3-pointer (as I was aiming for the 2). The second peg was relatively low scoring, but with chew's final cork he picked up 2 points to put him 25-22 ahead. With my final cork I was left with three options. I could go for the three-point bin to tie the peg, or the ten-point pole to take the victory. Both of these are tricky shots with little margin for error, so in the end I took the third option. Chew had two pegs hanging in the basket. If I could knock one of them into the pot and also drop my cork in, then I would gain two points and chew would drop two. I would therefore win the game 24-23.

I couldn't have aimed my cork any better. It flew into the basket and seemed to bounce around two or three times. I'm sure it nudged both of Chew's pegs before dropping into the pot, but they held firm, and so Chew took the second peg by a single point, 25-24.

The third and final peg was quite remarkable, as just about every peg seemed to stick in the basket. The four yellow's and the front blue one are Chew's. As the game developed, most of Chew's pegs seemed to stay in the basket, and most of mine seemed to drop, so Chew opened up a 12-point lead going into the corks.

I made a recovery after knocking off some of chew's pegs and finding my range with the 3-pointers, plus I even managed to balance a cork onto the basket for 4, but chew managed to knock it off and pick up some 2's himself, so with one cork remaining each, the score was 44-40 in Chew's favour. Like bowles players, we both made our way to the action area and studied the pegs. Three of Chew's yellows and his dark blue still remained from the early stages, and all seemed to be firmly wedged in. Clearly it was my pink and light blue that were more likely to drop, so I was left with no choice but to go for the ten pointer. I have a surprisingly good record at picking up ten points when I need them, so I remained confident, despite the pressure. I picked my spot on the pole, lined it up, and threw with all of my might.

Direct hit! Well, I skimmed it anyway. The pole wobbled and there was an unerring silence as we waited to see whether it would slide off the back of the chair. It didn't, but not to worry I still picked up five points to put me 45-44 in front. I did have a panic that my cork had gone out of bounds, but Chewy could confirm that he had seen it bounce back into the garden after smacking against the fence.

So, all Chew had to do was score with his final cork to win the peg and match. The atmosphere was tense, as he made another stroll down the garden to check the pegs in the basket. Finally, he returned to his chair, took a sharp intake of breath, and lined up his shot.

It fell short.

In the end the pressure got to him and I retained my crown as Official Pegs™ World Champion, at least for the time being.

Watch out for Pegs™ at your local sports bar or leisure centre in the coming months, but in the mean time, I have just started my sickeningly long summer break, so there's an open invitation. I'll take on any challengers, any time...

Reading '95 boys reunited

2006-07-10T17:36:00.000Z

On Friday night, Matt & I made the trip over to London to see Rich and Hugh. I first got to know Rich and Hugh at Reading festival, nearly eleven years ago, when we looked like this...

Now, we look like this...

Some things, urm, never change?

"A time to make friends" ends...

2006-07-10T17:34:00.000Z

Before travelling to Germany for England's opening game, the Frankfurt police had issued the following statement to England supporters...

"According to the official motto “Germany 2006: A time to make friends“ we in Germany cordially want to welcome you as our guests. Right at the beginning your well known national football team which is rich in tradition will hold its first match against the national football team of Paraguay. With suspense the world is going to watch this first qualification match and the behaviour of the fans."

So welcoming. Of course, they did go on to say:

"Beside positive and unforgettable experiences there could be possibly some persons who misunderstand such a sporting event and discredit the football sport and the hospitality by their unacceptable manner...By acting in such a detrimental way few English persons will impair not only the reputation of the United Kingdom, but also especially the reputation of the English national football team."

OK, we get the message. To be honest, before making the trip I was concerned about the possibility of getting caught up in a mass brawl, and battered by riot police, but thankfully my experience could only be described as 'positive and unforgettable'. From the moment we watched Germany's opening game with thousands of German fans I could sense from the atmosphere that the trip would be trouble free. Could it be that it really is time to make friends with the Germans?

Having said that, we did come extremely close to witnessing a fight when this brave German guy decided to mingle with the English fans in the main square following England's stunning 1-0 win over Paraguay. It was actually all in good humour though, until he decided to shove an official camera-man into me, yes me, just as he was taking a photo of that group of England fans. The mood turned very quickly and he would have got a pasting if his mate hadn't pulled him towards the safety of the riot police, who simply circled around him until the English had calmed down (i.e., forgotten what they were angry about) and returned to decorating the statue with England attire.

Then of course, there was actually a mass brawl at another one of England's group games, so maybe it isn't time to make friends after all.

The World Cup itself was ultimately a disappointment. It started well enough, and by the end of the group stage I was thinking it could turn out to be one of the greatest ever. Unfortunately the knock-out stages ruined that possibility. Too many cagey 0-0 draws. Too much 'simulation'. Not enough class.

The final was good in patches, but for me it will be remembered for Zidane's astonishing exit from international football. Apparently, he had come back from retirement after having a dream, or vision from God, that he would win the World Cup for France. All of the talk in the news before the game was about Zidane, and whether he could indeed win France the World Cup in his last ever international game. In Paris, they had made preparations to project his image onto the Arc de Triomphe, as they had done eight years previously. On the radio that afternoon, I heard pundits commenting that if Zidane performed on the night, he could go down in history as one of the three greatest players of all time, alongside Pele and Maradonna.

It was all going so well. He'd audaciously scored France's only goal from the penalty spot, just (nearly did a Crouch) and had shown some glimpses of class. He was eight minutes away from going down as a legend, and he fucked it. His outrageous running head butt to Materazzi's chest reminded me of E Honda from Street fighter II.

Of course, every World Cup needs it's villain, and this year it was Cristiano Ronaldo's turn. His combination of whispering, winking, diving, and appealing for red cards has ensured he is this year's scapegoat to blame for everything that's wrong about the beautiful game. Particularly, England getting knocked out in the quarter final, again.

Mike probably rightly points out that Ronaldo has been unfairly vilified, as he is no worse than many other players in the World Cup. There's nothing like a good bit of vilification to perform a function for society though, is there? After all, English and French could boo and whistle in unison during the French semi-final, and English and German could stand arm in arm and boo their villain unanimously during the 3rd/4th place play-off game. Perhaps, thanks to Cristiano, we really have made friends with the Germans after all.

This weekend in pictures

2006-07-02T19:48:00.000Z

I realise that this blog is slowly turning into a picture diary. I'm sure it won't be like that for long though, as my social life cannot sustain it indefinitely. After all, a picture account of my weekend in at home, playing online poker and watching the telly would probably not be very interesting.

Thankfully this weekend was slightly more entertaining, and although I have some pictures from Saturday afternoon, I fear that in order to avoid ranting I'm going to have to try to avoid discussing the 'f' word. And I don't mean 'fuck'.

But firstly, on Friday night, the Bedmo bachelor boys (i.e., Chew Al & myself) went into town to meet Kath & Ella.

Kath was HUGE! Apparently, she's still got another six weeks to go, and hasn't even packed a bag yet. Now I'm no expert, but I'd get that bag packed pretty soon...

It was a great night, only slightly marred by our 30 minute walk around the town centre at midnight, trying to find somewhere outdoors to sit and drink, before ending up back where we started.

Some things never change.
Ella was up to her usual tricks. Apparently, upon entering the toilet, she exclaimed: "Err it stinks of sewage in here!". The two girls at the washbasins declared their innocence, and continued chatting. Ella then entered the cubicle that had just been flushed by one of those girls and shrieked: "Errr, it really stinks in here!". I can only presume that she was greeted with silence. I also presume that it didn't smell in there at all.

Some more things never change.

So, Saturday afternoon. For no particular reason, we went to the Bristol Academy... It was a tense affair, but I'm starting to think I should have tried to take more natural photos, instead of asking people to give me worried looks...

For about 20 seconds following Portugal's second penalty miss, the place went mental and memories of Lampard's injury time equaliser two years ago came flooding back. Five minutes later, it looked like this...

England bow out on penalties again...Some things really never change.

We made the sensible decision to get off the streets, and listened to the sirens from the comfort of an Indian restaurant. I then made the mission to Victoria Park to see Bevan & Rosie on her birthday. It's very comforting to have a friend who has only just turned 23.

I woke up in the middle of the night violently scratching my back. It wasn't until the following morning that I discovered this...

Who needs mosquitoes?

Sunday was spent nursing a hangover, avoiding anything to do with football, and trying not to scratch my back. All of a sudden it was Monday, and for one night only we were dazzled by a flying visit from Mikey Dredz and Dan.

It was great to see Mikey again, who now has a slight aussie twinge to his Sheffield/Bristolian/French/Dutch hybrid of an accent. Dan also seems like a top bloke, and without wanting to sound corny, it does seem like they were made for each other. Mike's the bitch, apparently (no surprise there).

Obviously Mike still has dredz, he still smells, and he still has the propensity to be incredibly irritating, but then some things are never ever going to change...

Massive Attack & Croyde (Sam turns 30)

2006-06-26T11:48:00.000Z

It's a picture frenzy again...

Friday night. Massive attack in Hyde Park. Incredible...

You know how sometimes, when you listen to an amazing piece of music, you get a rush of adrenalin that shoots through each of your arms and down through your legs, and leaves a strange tingling sensation on the back of your head? A kind of musical orgasm.

I've never been to a gig where that has happened to me so many times. Not least when Horace Andy graced the stage to sing 'the hymn of the big wheel'.

Of course, they played 'unfinished sympathy' for their encore, and the place went nuts. I was too busy going nuts at the time to take any photos of everyone else going nuts, but here's one from earlier in the set, when they weren't quite as nutty.

The last train from Paddington got me home at 2am, so I decided to make a late-morning run to Croyde on the Saturday, however this turned into an early afternoon run after picking up Benny and making a vital supermarket mission. Road works then turned a two-hour journey into three and a half hours, so Ben & I arrived at the beach just as the majority of the group had made their way back to the campsite. I asked Ben to pose for this photo...

Mark, Wendy, Dave & Anna were still there so we managed to catch some late afternoon rays with them and destroy the Pyramids & Sphinx with Mark's football. Great fun (although sorry again to Ali for taking your Sphinx's head clean off, just in case you're reading).

The campsite was lovely...

Sam didn't have long to achieve anything from his list of things to do before you're 30. I'm not sure whether getting badly sunburned was one of them...

Or indeed, learning how to play cricket...

Mind you I'm not sure he achieved that one anyway...

All very civilised really. Cricket in a campsite. Great fun though, especially as everyone joined in. Admittedly, we thought we might be there for the long haul when the girls took centre stage...

Ended controversially by Sam in a run-out. This one went to the third umpire...

Decision: Out. Bat clearly not grounded. Although were the bails dislodged?

After the game, Anna made the mission for fish'n'chips and everyone stuck their thermals on as the temperature seemed to drop from 25c to 5c in a matter of minutes. With the darkness came the inevitable drunken shenanigans, culminating in Benny eating a chocolate caramel digestive, a piece of cheese, and some French saucisson in one mouthful. I think I managed to capture the exact moment when he realised what a mistake he'd just made.

As the clock turned midnight, Sam said goodbye to his youth with the symbolic extinguishment of 30 candles.

Sam passed around pieces of the pinkest cake we could find, and opened his cards. This one, from Moe, reads "Happy Birthday Gappy!"

I'd like to say that everyone enjoyed their piece of pink cake...

But I'm really not sure that was the case...

Thankfully the birthday boy came up trumps with the Champers, which accompanies pink cake so nicely.

Especially when drunk from a beaker or mug, or in my case, the bottle.

Anyway, congratulations to Sam. Or should I say commiserations?

Beverley's finest moment

2006-06-22T22:46:00.000Z

Not surprisingly, my recently deceased car Beverley's finest moment did not occur on the road. No, it was in fact in the middle of a field in South Wales, when we decided to go camping on the coldest, wettest, windiest August Bank Holiday weekend in recent years.

It all started innocently enough, when a few of us took shelter from the elements. Notice our celebrity friend David Gray in the back, who seems to be working on a new tune in his head...

For a while, everything was nice and cosy...

Until that is, the beast of the Gower reared his ugly head...

With that slightly twisted, hyperactive drunken tomfoolery that only evil cider can bring...

We could only fight him off for so long. There clearly wasn't any room left in the car, but that didn't seem to matter...

Suddenly it turned into a contest to see how many people Beverly could hold before the suspension caved in...

Including Kim's hand, I can count seven in this photo, and I'm sure there are a couple more behind Jonny as well. Note that the foot belongs to Mike, who's nose also features...

Ironically, Beverly got through that ordeal unscathed only for me to drive over a pothole on the way back home and damage both the off-side wheels. Thankfully only the front tyre punctured so she made it home without the need for a tow, but that was the start of her demise. A couple of weeks later someone left a huge crater in her door while she was parked outside of my ward, but although she had a good few years left in her she only survived another one and a half. The rest is history, as they say.

Thanks to Jonny for those photos, but while I'm on a nostalgic trip here are a few of my favourites from the same weekend...

Spot the ball result

2006-06-22T22:05:00.000Z

Congratulations go to Mike, who correctly guessed that it was D.

Well, that was fun.

The end of Beverley

2006-06-19T19:13:00.000Z

Three weeks ago, my car was stolen from the street outside of my house by three 13-year-olds from Patchway, and recovered by the police the following night after a chase from Nailsea to Brisol, involving a helicopter. Three days ago, I finally received a call from my insurance company's engineer to confirm that the car was a "total loss".

He asked how much I thought it was worth. I said "maybe six or seven hundred". "You'll be disappointed then", he replied. He offered me £225. Apparently, they don't take into account the fact that there were only 55000 miles on the clock, and instead value it like any other K-reg, which would have an average mileage of more like 155000. The fact that it has an automatic gearbox means nothing either.

This evening, I went to the compound that it had been recovered to, to remove any personal items. I was hoping to collect about twenty cassette tapes, a bluetooth headset, a maglite, some maps, and my cup-holder. None of them were there. All that remained was a Brighton & Hove Albion ashtray that Jonny had bought me for my birthday, just one week after they had dived their way to victory against Bristol City in the play-off final. I left it in the car.

So, in the end it was a pointless journey, although it was good to see the car again for one last time and immediately obvious why it was a write-off. I knew that they'd forced the ignition with a screwdriver, but it turns out that they also smashed the front end in, no doubt at the climax of the chase. I wonder if i'd be entitled to any royalties if it ends up on "Police, Camera, Action".

They also put another big chunk in the driver's door, to join the one that appeared after a shift at work about 18 months ago. I'm really glad now that I never got round to getting that fixed.

I was never very emotionally attached to the car when it was alive. Jonny, H & Kim once named it 'Beverley', probably because they wanted 'Bianca' to have a friend, or something. I refused to concede that my car should be called Beverley, or even that it should be a 'she'. However, after seeing it sitting there helpless in the drizzle, ready to be sent to the breakers to be crushed into a tiny cube, it somehow seems more appropriate in her death. So, here's a picture of Beverley in the prime of her life, at the Gower...

To be honest, I'm not really that disappointed, as a red automatic Ford Fiesta was never my first choice for a car. I've owned it for the last four years because my generous Grandmother gave it to me when my last car died. Well, guess what? My very generous grandma has come up trumps again. When she heard about my plight she saw it as the perfect excuse to go out and buy herself a 'smart car', which she's been hankering for for some time. So, yet again, I've been lucky enough to inherit her car. It's the one in the foreground...

And yes, you've guessed it. It's an automatic.